‘Porn Expert’ Pubert promises to be punctual, picky, and probing with all his reviews. Thumbs up the butt (good review) or finger down the throat (gag me dude), you be the judge. Grab your popcorn, your lube and enjoy the ride!
Colt Minute Man Solo 23
Judging a Porn by Its Cover
P: We’re going solo! Three solo scenes to review.
D: Looks like an actor’s headshots.
P: A little too pretty, maybe airbrushed.
A large bearded man named Carlo shows us his pool.
P: He is too muscular for me.
D: I love that, mmmm. What is with him licking his bicep?
P: Licking his asshole would be a real talent. He just winked at you!
(Dicksel waves at the TV) D: Hello Carlo!
P: The music is so relaxing, Enya-like.
D: Up-Enya like… he is winking again, maybe it’s a twitch.
P: The hair is good, very natural.
D: Thanks, Colt, for keeping it real. His hair is parted on the side like a little schoolboy.
He lays down on the concrete, legs spread.
D: He can wink with all three eyes now!
He spits on his penis.
P & D: Yeeeaaahhhh! Less winking and more spitting!
D: He just gave himself the reach around.
P: He looks like he might fall in the pool.
D: He is a little too monkey-ish for me.
P: And too much posing, too drawn out, finally he cums.
D: Wonder if he gets paid more to eat it?
P: He is a Neanderthal.
D: ‘Me want cum in face!’
Next actor named Leo shows us his backyard.
P: Leo just woke up. Another missing link. Gotta start the day stretching.
D: He is doing the Jane Fonda Jerk Off Workout! He is licking his arm muscles like Carlo.
P: I don’t like it when he smiles. He’s looking at the camera too much.
D: He gets points for standing and cumming.
P: Someone needs to clean out that pool. Get out the bug net!
Cover boy Chris Wide shows us his patio.
P: Nice looking, quarterback type.
D: He’s the college jock that everyone wanted to fuck.
P: We could have done without the two earlier caveman bodyguards. People have been watching this for an hour to get to the good stuff!
D: This is why people should buy it, for him.
P: I like his tan. Maybe it is a spray on.
D: He’s spraying lotion on his penis. He doesn’t want a burnt pecker.
P: He’s in the pool now. Does everyone have a pool in California?
D: He’s shooting his love underwater. His babies are free. Swim for you life!
P: They could have called this Found Nemo. Talk about a sperm whale!
P: Solo videos are not my bag, baby.
D: I love solo videos but not this one; two beasts and a beauty.
P: Too long, and not a fan of the music, very Casio sounding.
D: I don’t feel horny, I want to go to the gym and not eat! I am a huge Colt fan but this was a let down.
P: Let’s go eat at McDonald’s.
Pubert: Finger-way-down-the-throat.
D: Finger-slightly-down-the-throat.
Check out for yourself at www.COLTstudiostore.com
Do you like it solo? pubert@windycitytimes.com
Pubert@windycitytimes.com