1stGirlfriendHas8KidsNowMyFatherBrokeUsUp
*2ndGirlfriendSaidSheLostHerVirginityRidingABikeWithNoSeat
*1stManToHitOnMeInAGayBarSaidIWasCuteThenPassedOutIntoAGarbageCan
*1stBoyfriendAskedMeToBeHisLoverOnOurFirstDateThenAskedMeToHelpCleanHisOtherBoyfriend’sApartment
*SeveralYearsLaterIToldThisToMy2ndBoyfriendAndFoundOutHeWasHisCousin
*2ndBoyfriendThenIntroducedMeToHisNewBoyfriendAndSaidHe’dBrokenUpWithMeWeeksEarlierButForgotToTellMe*WentOnADietToLookBetterAndMeetGuysAndMetAGuyWhoWantedMeToGain30Pounds*TheBiggestConcernIHaveAboutMySexLifeIsThatIMightGetCarpalTunnel
*I’mNotIntoS&MBecauseIfABoyfriendDecidesToBeatMeUpIWantItToBeACompleteSurprise
*IWentIntoTheFriendliestBarInTownAndNoOneWouldTalkToMe
*TheInternetIsGreatItAllowsMeToBeRejectedByMenFromAcrossTheCountryFromTheComfortOfMyLivingRoom

Kevin Rooker lives in Chicago but was born in a small hospital in LaCrosse,
WI that burned to the ground, as did the Catholic school he attended.
Although currently single, his mother once told him that If she’d known
that he’d be dating the kind of guys he did, she’d have named him Patsy.