Köllide
by Rascal Video
Pubert from the North side enlists Lemony Lickit from the South side to get opinions that aren’t so black and white. P and L won’t leave you on the down low, and will get you out the house to rent the video!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Pubert: What is this video called, Kool-Aid?
Lemony: The cover looks like shit dripping.
P: Oh, it’s Collide, like to crash into, set in Berlin.
L: Nice packaging, looks like a special edition.
Set in pre World War 2 the scene is set in a compound in Berlin.
P: The cover is rust. The cast is standing around in a warehouse.
L: It’s very Charlie’s Angels. Is that a tribal drum in the background?
P: The beret guy is not very attractive. Are those girl boots? Those boots are made for walking.
L: He is good at deep throating. Did he just cough?
P: He just gave him a look like ‘get that out of my face… ‘.
L: Good thing they found an army blanket to fuck on.
P: The scene switches to different guys in the compound. Look there’s Catwoman!
L: That guy looks like a monkey. Talk about guerrilla warfare.
P: Look at that camera angle. It’s a worm’s eye view.
L: He’s fucking him through the window! He has a cold sore on his penis.
P: Whoa! Now, he is sitting on the other guy’s back. He’s eating them both out at the same time.
L: Very Cirque Du Soliel… .
P: They’re walking on broken glass. Must be part of the circus act.
Dramatic scenes follow with different people jogging down the corridors.
P: What is he running from?
L: They just Kollided into each other, haha.
P: He wants to rip his T-shirt but can’t. He’s all steroids.
L: His penis is pierced and he’s whacking it hard.
P: Must have hit a nerve when they made that piercing, no feeling left.
L: I would be scared to choke on the little ring. He’s Nicole Richie thin.
P: Rusty poles. Someone is going get lockjaw. Better get a tetanus shot.
The big finish is with all the guys lined up on the stairs stroking their poles.
L: This is turning into a music video. Boy band from Germany.
P: ‘Excuse me, I need to get down the stairs.’ They are perfectly spaced out down the staircase.
L: They are going to do a line dance, I think. They are each cumming in order.
P: This video is as rusty as the cover! Make sure to watch where you are going and not Kollide into this at the video store.
L: Chi Chi Larue made a wrong turn with this one.
Pubert: Thumbs down the throat
Lemony: Thumbs down the throat