Judging a Porn By Its Cover

Colon: Says ‘Auto start, auto repeat.’ That’s a nice feature.

P: Perfect for parties.

C: Cover looks a little low budget.

Three guys speaking Portuguese and shopping for a new place.

C: I don’t know what they are saying and I don’t care.

P: The owner is leaving and the two start kissing.

C: Who leaves people alone in their house?

P: I am selling my place soon but my realtor will be staying with them.

C: Now we get subtitles. His underwear is hot.

P: That’s a big penis. I guess he is looking to own.

C: Prime Brazilian beef. Did he just get a mushroom stamp?

P: What’s that?

C: It’s when he slaps him with his dick.

P: I hope no one is planning on eating on that table.

C: The table doesn’t look too sturdy either.

P: The lighting is bad.

C: What does The Virgin Guadalupe think about this? Her picture is hanging on the wall.

P: He has huge balls, like two mangos hanging there!

C: The bottom is working a lot.

P: He’s riding him.

C: On the floor, on the table, they are really checking out the property.

P: Every crack and cranny.

C: Nice! Good cum shot.

P: Uhm, it’s dripping on the table.

The house hunting continues…

C: The owner that is selling is hot.

P: Every time he leaves them they go at it. What kind of House of Pancakes is this?!?

C: People feel really comfortable in this house.

P: And they are using their surroundings well. He is sucking him through the banister.

C: Well, they have to try out the property.

P: I have been looking for all the wrong things. Water pressure? Who cares!

C: They are checking for strength of the stairs by fucking on them.

P: Is that covered by renter’s insurance?

Two more potential buyers are waiting for the real estate agent.

P: Nothing to do but have sex while they wait.

C: Perfect body on that one.

P: Chair fucking is hot! He looked scared for a second.

C: He heard the wood snapping.

P: They’re going to scratch up the floor.

C: They are loud and going strong. The neighbors are going to complain before they even move in!

More people are waiting outside.

P: Another two customers?

C: This is what you call an open house!

P: I hope selling my condo is this easy.

C: Well, you are that easy, so yeah, not a problem.

P: There is a line to get in there.

C: Word is getting out.

P: Is this a home or a bathhouse?

C: Finally the owner gets a three-way.

P: And worth the wait, I might add…

C: This video is better than the cheesy cover.

P: But did he sell the house? They never told us.

C: Maybe it is still on the market.

Pubert: Thumb up the butt.

Colon: Thumb up the butt.

To purchase a Brazilian Hot Property go to 77miles.com.

To read past articles go to windycitytimes.com and type in ‘Pubert.’