Behind closed doors of the Ivy League headquarters, a muscle man headmaster is sending out letters to invite potential new members into the group.

Pubert: He waxes his entire body, even the back of his hands.

Groeper: Look at his pleated pants. How retro!

P: He has a barcode tattooed on the back of his neck.

G: That’s so they can scan him at the check out lane.

P: He’s fucking his butler.

G: That’s sexual harassment.

P: On-the-desk sex–who needs a paperweight?

G: Black socks must be in style.

P: Yeah, they both are keeping them on during sex.

The new recruits arrive for a test.

P: The leader sounds stupid inviting them to join.

G: They are going out separately to get hazed.

P: One has to work out with his frat brother.

G: Is he the president of MAC? Nice lipstick, bro.

P: He has a tattoo where his pubes should be.

G: I think they are his initials. Maybe it’s his real name.

P: This was a bad workout scene.

Next recruit goes behind bathroom doors to get the inside scoop on this league.

P: He’s making him watch him take a bath, kinky.

G: Looks like tepid water.

P: I wouldn’t think that one would be the bottom.

G: You never know, I guess.

P: They both have so many freckles.

G: The socio-political message is messed up in this video.

P: Fucking your way to the top can work after all.

After that scene, it’s Mr. Green in the Billiard Room with a pool stick.

P: He’s convincing the recruit to bend over for him.

G: The ol’ get on top of the pool table trick.

P: And the even older, ‘ I am straight and never done this before’ routine!

G: Did he just smash his finger? He has a big Band-Aid on. I am sure the director was yelling at him to not get it in the shot.

P: He’s got a big dick so maybe he thought people would be too distracted to notice.

G: With a name like Roman Heart, he must have been born in the ’80s!

The lucky guys pass their tests and get initiated into the group.

P: He’s putting hot wax on each of them.

G: Colored wax is supposed to be hotter.

P: Really? Learn a new thing everyday…

G: They each get dildo fucked over a table.

P: And take home a parting gift. This frat house rules!

G: They are lining up on the stairs for a fraternity fucking.

P: Brotherly luv! Awww.

G: Politically incorrect storyline.

P: This video is in a league of its own.

Pubert: Thumbs up the fratboy butt.

Groeper: Thumbs up the butt.

To go inside Ivy League, check out www.falconentertainment.com.

If you want to catch up on past reviews, windycitytimes.com is the place to do it. Tell them Pubert sent you!