“People don’t say, ‘Oh, you were cute giving that Oscar speech’. They are interested in marriage equality, and we start engaging in [political] conversation. It’s great, but all of a sudden it’s 1:30AM, you’ve had two more vodka-and-sodas, and you’ve spent your whole night talking to these cool lesbians about relationship rights. That’s why I don’t get laid.” – Dustin Lance Black claims to not have much of a sex life – at least not these days!
Last week, Oscar winner Dustin Lance Black filed a $3 million lawsuit against a website that ran photos of him sharing an intimate (to say nothing of unsafe) encounter with a guy who does web porn to pay his tuition bill. The 57-page court document makes for some provocative – and highly titillating – reading, so I’ll post it on BillyMasters.com. Three years ago, Lance was dating one Jeff Delancy, who now has a lucrative webcam business. However, back then, we can tell you exclusively that back then they were indeed in a monogamous dating relationship and Jeff was just a hot college student who didn’t even own a webcam.
According to Mr. Black’s attorneys, on or about November 11, 2006, Lance and Jeff did indeed share some “private intimate moments” (with DLB on the receiving end, by the by). In the suit, it is alleged that Delancy was “holding a small camera and taking photographs of the two of them. [DLB] posed for what he understood to be some photos of their heads and upper torsos. Plaintiff and Delancy expressly agreed and understood that any such photos captured at that time of them were to remain private and were for their own personal use only.”
At this point, Judge Judy would demand proof of said agreement, and there actually is proof…but we’ll get to that. The complaint further states that later during this “intimate moment”, DLB became aware that Delancy was still taking pictures and requested that he delete them from his camera. We can back up this claim because near the end of the surreptitious video made of this “intimate moment”, Lance notices the camera and insists it be turned off and all material be deleted. It may have been turned off, but obviously the materials remained. Since two people are in most of these photos, both of them could claim ownership, right?
According to the scenario presented in these papers, no one but Delancy knew about the photos and videos that were housed on his password-protected computer. Sometime later, he moved in with a new boyfriend who sold used cars in Costa Mesa. Allegedly, this used car salesman (who must have also been a computer whiz) got into Jeff’s password-protected computer and copied all sorts of photos and video. Then he told Delancy to delete any images of any other men he’d slept with – out of jealousy!
A few years later, DLB won an Oscar and the used car salesman somehow recognized him from the oodles of photos he copied three years ago. Being an industrious type, he and a friend allegedly formed a phantom company and contacted a website about buying the illicit materials. That’s why the lawsuit is going after the used car salesman, his friend, and the owners of the website. What about Jeff Delancy? After all, he’d have just as much right to the material as DLB. Surprise, surprise – webcam boy has provided sworn testimony that he had nothing to do with the dissemination of the photos and video, and he signed over SOLE RIGHTS to DLB. I’m guessing this was in exchange for amnesty from any legal action. Since, obviously we don’t want to be dragged into this matter, we will not, I repeat NOT, run the photos on BillyMasters.com. But, in the grand tradition of other legal proceedings, we think that artistic renderings of the “intimate moments” created by our esteemed court sketch artist will make for some interesting viewing. We have the sole rights to those.
We finally have a reason to watch the new Melrose Place. Does the name Victor Webster ring a bell with you? He’s one of the most gorgeous men on the planet. You might have seen him on Days of our Lives, Charmed, Mutant X, Sex and the City, or any other project that required a stunning guy with an amazing body who has no problem with nudity. The fact that he’s heading to Melrose Place would be good enough news. But what if I told you his character is gay? Caleb Brewer appears in episode two and is described as being openly gay, smokes cigars, likes the Lakers, collects sports memorabilia, drinks Scotch and loves sex. A hot daddy sex whore? Sure sounds that way to moi! In doing our research, we found a tantalizing clip of Webster sporting an erection on Mutant X. Definitely worth checking out on BillyMasters.com.
Victor’s Mutant X co-star was the equally hot Forbes March. Forbes recently played gay in the film Manhattanites. And he’s returning to those familiar stomping grounds on As the World Turns, where he’s taken on the role of a hot film teacher who gets between “Noah” and “Luke”. Gay whores day and night. Now that’s progress!
This week’s “Ask Billy” question comes from a million of you with one thing on your mind: “Is Paula really leaving American Idol?”
I doubt it. I believe FOX wouldn’t budge in their financial offer, and Paula made a calculated risk—she walked away from the bargaining table. It’s now up to FOX and AI to decide if they want to reopen talks with a sweeter deal. It’s a risky negotiating technique, but it is not without precedent. A few years back, “The X Factor” (UK’s version of AI) dumped popular judge Louis Walsh. A few weeks into the auditions, Simon (who produces that show) realized there was a BIG problem. “I hate to admit this, but we need Louis back.” And, just like that, the money issues resolved and Walsh returned—and has stayed. Since the AI auditions began this past weekend in Denver, I think it’s safe to say that this isn’t over…not by a longshot.
BTW, don’t worry about Paula. Two days after announcing she wouldn’t be returning to Idol, she was filming a second guest spot on Lifetime’s Drop Dead Diva, which has been a huge hit for the network. The next day, former Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe invited Paula to the So You Think You Can Dance finale—and he’s been publicly toying with the idea of adding her to that show next year. Don’t touch that dial.
When Paula’s got options, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. We ran long this week, so let me just remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com. If you’ve got a question, feel free to write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before we hear more details from that Oscar Weiner…er, winner! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.