Hell Knight, All Worlds Video Starring Chad Knight.
Pubert: Happy Halloweanie!
Groeper: This is a classic. It’s from 1994.
P: Just when I was moving to Chicago. I was so innocent.
G: Well, you’re not anymore after writing a porn column for six years…
Two college bros have a wrestling match, then hit the showers.
P: One is watching the other from a distance.
G: Oh, that Bette Midler song just popped in my head.
P: He’s in such another world daydreaming with his masturbating that he doesn’t notice his bud watching him.
G: Stalker!
P: They are showing his thoughts of butts being paddled.
G: I knew this was going to be a hazing movie! I am excited!!!
P: He caught his spunk perfectly in his hand.
G: How handy, now he doesn’t have to get the Scrubbing Bubbles guy to clean up the bathroom tiles.
P: Randy caught him watching and kicked him down to the floor, calling him “faggot.”
G: See, there was bullying back then too.
P: “It will get better,” and hopefully this video will too.
The frat brothers are dressed in creepy cloaks for the hazing.
G: That Randy keeps using the F-word before the ceremony, ouch.
P: This is an abusive bunch.
G: The brothers are all blindfolded and stripped.
P: They are going to shave their pubes.
G: The video skips to Chad Knight dressed in ceremonial golden garb.
P: He’s oiling his body up with lube from a chalice.
G: Now they jump back to the shaving.
P: This guy has never been manscaped before; look how shocked he is by it.
G: Now back to Chad masturbating with the oil.
P: Talk about dragging it out.
G: Wait, now it looks like blood is being poured from one urn all over his chest.
P: Ah, that’s just ketchup or food coloring.
G: It’s still twisted and scary.
P: Are you getting the willies?
G: Hold me, I’m frightened. Don’t watch this horror porn flick in the dark.
P: Oh brother. Now back to a fratboy ass-shaving.
G: Back to spanking a bud. I am getting dizzy.
P: Then switch to Chad again with a green lube.
G: This is a perfect Halloween movie. He’s a witch.
P: A witch dressed like an Egyptian complete with gold headband. Maybe more of a sorcerer.
G: Geez, he just came in the green lube goblet.
P: He poured the spunk in a bottle and teleported over to where the hazing is still going on.
G: Is he a genie? Is this I Dream of Weanie?
P: I was just watching Barbara Eden on TV Land.
G: Chad put the potion on the frat’s pizza.
P: The two guys’ conversation is hilarious.
G: The GAYVN gave this movie four and half stars? Their standards must have been low back in the nineties!
P: His big shaved penis is worth a half star at least.
Chad the pool boy pours the potion into local Jacuzzi where two new applicants bring their newly shaved dicks in for a dip.
G: That wicked water got them all hot and bothered.
P: Didn’t they notice green lotion floating in the water?
G: The two head for the shed to not get caught by Randy.
P: Everyone is living in fear of the bully.
G: Someone was working through some issues when they wrote the script for this flick.
Pubert: Thumbs down the throat.
Groeper: Thumbs down the throat.
Visit www.c1r.com to spend the night with Hell Knight.