New York’s Hottest Top Model, Real Urban Men Productions, starring Chad Knight
Pubert: Take this, Tyra, and suck on it; here’s a top porn model.
Groeper: You interviewed the lesbian on the current season correct?
P: Yes, Kayla. She is doing really well in the competition.
G: This cover is a little bland and gray.
P: I picked this one for the title, not the cover.
Smokey is folding towels in a small apartment. Ace knocks at the door and states that he’s here for the top model audition.
G: Well, at least this is realistic; that apartment is definitely in New York.
P: Yes, it’s tiny. Look at the little refrigerator. It looks like it would hold about one Coke can.
G: Ace immediately walks in and heads for the shower.
P: His name is Ace Rockwood? Is this The Flintstones?
G: “Rock Me Amadeus!” He’s hung.
P: Smokey just told him he missed a spot and is toweling him off.
G: I never dry off enough after a shower.
P: There is always a hard-to-reach place, right?
G: He just asked as he dropped the towel, “Why don’t you put your mouth on it and make it grow up?”
P: Are you kidding?
G: Is this part of the audition process?
P: He’s holding his mouth open.
G: Wow, how does he not choke?
P: Rockwell is real bossy.
G: Rockwood! Do you always feel like “someone is watching you?”
P: Yes, and “I have no privacy.”
G: He’s rocking that bed.
P: He just came on Smokey’s pierced tongue!
One model has an audition but refuses to get out of bed until another sucks him off.
G: Talk about blackmail…
P: …and black male.
G: His name is Nubius.
P: As in nubius cloud?
G: That’s a nimbus cloud.
P: This guy was in Chi Chi’s Black Balled 7.
G: He’s performing some weird move on him.
P: It’s the backwards-rub-the-hole-with-a-dick-trick.
G: That takes some skills.
P: What is up with the Adonis’ hair underneath his black head wrap?
G: It looks like he dyed his hair red and blonde, maybe for a sports team?
P: That’s why he’s keeping it on during sex.
G: He’s literally fucking him sideways.
One model name Charger is posing for a photo shoot in various states of disrobe.
P: Remember to “smize!”
G: Where’s Nigel Barker? This kid needs direction.
P: Or Jay Manuel? I bet he would enjoy lubing up this model.
G: This is a solo scene. It gives new meaning to “go-see.”
P: How is he gonna win Top Model? Topping himself?
G: He’s going to lose that diamond ring fingering his hole like that!
P: This one is cute, I’ll give him that.
Paris, the next top model, telephones for a masseur before a photo shoot.
P: Paris just said, “I hope you know what you are doing,” as he straddles him.
G: And Aquarius replied, “I will try.”
P: What kind of professional says he will try?
G: That is not a massage, more like a pat down.
P: Well, he is massaging his penis with his tongue.
G: Look at the sexual position. His legs are off to one side and crossed.
P: That is a new one. He’s climbing Paris’ Eiffel Tower.
G: He just gave him a high five after sex.
P: If someone did that to me, I would kick him out of my bedroom!
G: This movie was very low-budget, but that’s part of its charm.
P: The music and bad graphic effects makes it feel dated and it was made in 2010.
Pubert: Finger down the throat.
Groeper: Thumbs up the butt.
To go-see the results of the contest and to purchase this flick visit www.RealUrbanMen.com.