Golden Gate
Nakedsword
Directed by Chris Ward
Randy Pubert: Happy New Year and welcome to our first video of 2011!
Dick Groeper: I can blow my own horn now.
P: This video was sent to me on the tail end of last year.
G: It’s from a website right?
P: Yes, we have to keep up with the times and this is the first in a series that plays on Nakedsword.com.
We begin with scenes showing sights from the Golden Gate Bridge.
G: Are they panning for gold?
P: I think this theme song might be an original piece of work.
G: It’s a piece of something all right …
P: This episode is called Dialing for Dollars.
G: I haven’t played that game in a while.
Ronald calls in sick to work and stays home playing hooky.
P: There is a lot of backstory on the cast.
G: Oh, there it was: “Ron’s never been fucked!”
P: What else do we need to know?
G: Who cares if he’s a banker? We want the dirt!
P: He’s looking online to find some satisfaction.
G: And just made a booty call, so that’s the “dialing” part.
P: So Jeremy comes over.
G: They both say they have never done this before. Amateurs!
P: Jeremy is no amateur with the tweezer. Those eyebrows have been plucked to death.
The boys enter the bedroom.
G: They do have some chemistry.
P: Finally our porn bedroom is not dated.
G: Those San Francisco men can decorate.
P: Chris Ward is a talented director and cinematographer.
G: Yes, he’s getting in all the right cracks and crevices.
P: What does the 7 tattoo stand for on Ronnie’s chest?
G: Seven inches?
P: Seven minutes in heaven?
G: The movie Se7en?
P: That would be scary.
G: It’s kinda weird to have a number 7 next to your nipple.
P: There’s a lot of kissing going on for a hooker.
G: I know. Julia Roberts would not have any of that.
P: Jer better warm up that hole if it’s never been fucked.
G: He’s eyeing it like a piece of steak.
P: Woah, they just went from kissing to his dick already being in.
G: That’s a missed opportunity for virgin talk.
P: We didn’t get to see it even being inserted.
G: He’s riding him like he does this everyday.
P: Look at the way Ronald is staring at himself in the mirrored headboard.
G: The sword is not naked, it has a condom on it.
P: I hope they don’t mess up Ron’s perfectly groomed hair.
G: Yeah, those San Fran queens are unreal.
P: Finally they switched positions.
G: The virgin is really getting broken in now.
P: He looks like he might twist Ron’s arm.
G: That prostitute is pissed off!
P: He wanted a vestal virgin and got a used lemon.
G: There we go, a little legs-over-the-shoulder action.
P: Maybe the 7 is for seven different positions.
G: I don’t think he’s going to last that long.
P: Now Jeremy is looking at himself in the mirror.
G: People from California are so self-absorbed.
P: As soon as they’re done the hooker heads for the hills.
G: Oh my gosh, he stole Ronald’s wallet.
P: What is this teaching the young gays of today?
G: That money is the root of all evil.
P: They could have called this episode Dialing for a Robbery.
G: Not as catchy, though.
P: The credits say voiceover by Mr. Fur.
G: Wasn’t he on Three’s Company?
P: That’s Mr. Furley.
Randy Pubert: Thumbs up the butt.
Dick Groeper: Thumbs up the butt.