Lost somewhere in all those pesky Grammy Award press releases was my shortlist for the annual Moosey Awards. I guess I should take John Tesh off my press list. If you’re just tuning in, The Moosey Awards are not quite as prestigious and The Grammys or The Mercury Prize, snarkier than The Village Voice pics, and a bit higher-end and more viewed than the AMAs. If you missed the short list, it’s fine. I was probably drunk when I wrote it … much like the Golden Globes. Without further ado, the Moosey Awards 2015 go to …
The Most Unexpected Hit — “Hotline Bling” by Drake. Released quietly, sans video or accompanying album, “Hotline Bling” hit the web in July and, without any fanfare, earwormed its way into our hearts and minds. Followed by an equally infectious video that borrows from Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” in it simplicity and perfection, “Hotling Bling’ even spawned a great response album (Erykah Badu’s “But You Can’t Use My Phone”).
Best Use of Opportunity to Make a Comeback: See Badu above.
Best Use of Gay Community For a Hit: Nick Jonas. From his multiple appearances at gay bars to having two gay/gayish characters on TV at once, no one this year was as gay as Nick Jonas. Only thing is, he’s not gay. Really. Kudos for him taking a page from Gaga, Madonna and Cher and knowing what a powerful pop culture rocketship we are. You know, Nick, a nude pictorial or sex tape might be a good next step.
Biggest Comeback Without An Album: Lady Gaga. Somehow with only one single all year, a sexy Tom Ford disco ad and a role in American Horror Story, the down diva worked her way into becoming Billboard’s Woman of the Year and getting a Golden Globe nomination. After the disappointing show of ArtPop, America was happy to take her down a notch, only to build her back up this year. Gotta love America.
The “Opposite Of Last Award” Award: Rihanna. Ri Ri? Where are you? These bitches have your money, and we’d love to give it to you, but you insist on constantly reworking and delaying your Anti or R8 album after each new single bombs. Last time we heard she was demo-ing another batch of new songs. At this point, let’s just quietly put it out and move on. Even Dr. Dre and Axl Rose are making fun of you at this point.
Every Other Award: Adele. She took a few years off, made us salivate and it was worth it. The fact that it was just a good album was beside the point when she outsold an entire year of Taylor Swift’s 1989 in just a few days, breaking all other records for first-week sales in history. This in a time when album sales are at an all-time low. Now if only she could figure out where all those pesky concert tickets ended up for her sold-out tour, we’d all have a great 2016.