Shortly after Katharine Eagon and Diane Fields met each other in 1974, while regularly playing volleyball and then softball, they fell in love. They played other sports over the years and that mutual interest, and other factors, helped cement their relationship.
Then, in the early 2000s, Fields decided that, since various countries were legalizing same-sex marriage, she and Eagon should consider getting married.
A Canadian marriage
“So, in 2003, approaching our 30th anniversary and Ontario, Canada legalizing same sex marriages, I proposed to Kathy,” Fields recalled. “Of course she said, ‘let me think about this.’ I was immediately thrown into a whirlpool of anxiety. I forgot that I had been swimming in the pool and just pushed her into the deep end. A few days later she accepted, and wedding planning was underway.”
Eagon added, “We were sitting in our car at the base of the Sandia Mountains in Alburquerque, New Mexico watching fireworks. Same sex marriages were not permitted at that time anywhere in the U.S. The concept of same-sex marriages was still a relatively new idea. I was surprised about her proposal and did not accept it immediately. It felt shocking and I really needed time to think about what this would mean for our relationship.
“However, after a few days, I realized that marriage was something I really wanted for us both. We went to Toronto, Canada to get married. We were joined by four of our closest friends from Chicago. It was a wonderful ceremony.”
They were married at a Unitarian Church and chose July 24, 2004, as their wedding date. Both Eagon and Fields said that people in Canada were very congratulatory towards them when they found out about their marriage.
But when they told people they got married when they returned from Canada the reception was vastly different. Some friends said that since it was not legal in New Mexico, where they lived at the time, it was not real.
Fields recalled being told that she and Eagon had gone too far because marriage is “sacred”, that two females should not be able to get married, and that they were marrying solely for the benefits. They were also asked why a civil union was not sufficient.
The comments enraged Fields, who said, “Hell yes, it was not legal in the U.S. and that was an atrocity. Marriage is sacred to both of us, not just a legal arrangement, and that is why we wanted to add it to our relationship. Yes, I did want to receive the benefits that a married couple receives, who doesn’t?“
When marriage-equality was legalized nationally in 2015, she “sobbed all day long. I could not believe this had happened in my lifetime.
Fields and Eagon did not remarry in the U.S., however, as they wanted to honor their 2004 marriage in Canada, which was legally recognized with the 2015 Supreme Court decision. The year 2024 marks their fifth decade together.
“We just celebrated our 50th relationship anniversary with a dinner that friends arranged for us,” Fields said. “It was amazing to be with people for an evening that we have gone through some of the turmoil and battles of same-sex equality with. We will also be taking an Olivia Alaskan Cruise in September to honor this anniversary.”
Being their own role models
Their life journeys began at a time when there were no queer role models to look towards in any walk of life. Both Fields and Eagon were born and raised in conservative environments in Ohio, and the concept of being queer never occurred to either of them when they were young.
Fields said that it wasn’t until she started playing fast pitch softball when she was 18 that she became aware of queer people—around the time her life with Eagon began.
Eagon meanwhile had been involved with sports, mostly softball, throughout her high school years and wasn’t aware that people played it recreationally as an adult. She was told that there was a softball league for adults, and discovered a queer community when she joined a fast pitch team in 1964.
“I felt comfortable being around these women,” said Eagon. “I had a relationship that lasted for eight years. Soon after this relationship ended, I met Diane, who was to become the love of my life.”
Fields was unable to come out when she was young because she was raised in an Irish Catholic family. She noted that when she and Eagon rented apartments in Ohio, they always had two bedrooms that were fully arranged so their families and the landlord would never find out about their relationship. This was a time when landlords could terminate or refuse to lease to apartments to queer couples.
“Whenever I had any queer reading material, I would put it in a shoebox and hide it in my closet, out of fear someone would drop in and see it,” said Fields. “Books would either be removed from the bookshelves or turned around backward on the shelves when family or non-queer friends came to visit. And of course, no pictures of us together, particularly embracing or hugging would be visible.”
While they were in the early years of their relationship, Fields attended the University of Akron but dropped out of college for a while.
“Through encouragement from Kathy and my own boredom/frustration with my career, I finally returned to the University of Akron and it stuck,” said Fields. “I received an associate degree in criminal justice in 1984 and my bachelor’s degree in social work from in 1986. When I graduated with my bachelor’s degree, both Kathy and I were feeling frustrated residing in a small conservative town and the thought of having to live very closeted in our professional careers. … We moved to Chicago in 1986, and I received my master’s degree in social work from University of Chicago two years later.”
Fields worked as a social worker for over 30 years. She “creatively pursue[d] various areas of interest, but always wanted to be involved with people. I enjoyed developing and implementing programs, but once implemented, always found myself wanting to move onto the next thing. My favorite jobs were re-developing and implementing a substance use disorder out-patient program while working for the VA and then my last position doing out-patient psychotherapy at Rush Medical Center.”
Eagon graduated from University of Akron with both a bachelor’s degree in education in 1971 and a master’s degree in public administration from 1986. She first worked in a county welfare system and then, in 1979, she moved on to the U.S. Postal Service, where she was a manager in various departments. She got a transfer to Chicago when Fields was accepted into her graduate program.
Coming out
It was only when the couple moved to Chicago that they felt comfortable and safe in coming out to their families.
In Field’s case, it was when she was 40 years old via a phone call to her parents.
“Considering their age and background, they took it well,” she recalled. “After coming out to my parents, I came out to my siblings, which was a much easier process with getting the usual response of ‘Yeah, we knew that.’”
As for Eagon, she sent letters to her parents and siblings all at the same time when she was 43 years old. She and Fields had been together for 15 years by then.
“My family, although somewhat uncomfortable with the news, expressed acceptance because of the importance of family,” said Eagon. “They accepted Diane and me as a couple. We were extremely fortunate.”
Eagon said they decided to make the move to Albuquerque in 1996 because they “had met friends at the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival who had moved to New Mexico, so we decided to make the move too. We spent 20 years there before moving back to Chicago when I retired.”
Giving back
The couple has done much volunteer work for the community over the years. Eagon did case management assessments of newly diagnosed individuals with HIV/AIDS at Howard Brown Health Center (now Howard Brown Health) when she and Fields moved to Chicago in 1986 during the height of the HIV/AIDS crisis.
They both are volunteers with Howard Brown Health now as well. Eagon is a lobby assistant while Fields does set-ups, greetings and breakdowns of events. They say that this helps them stay up to date with the everything in the wider LGBTQ+ community, and lets them meet younger queer and transgender people and educate them about their shared history.
As for what makes their 50-years-long relationship continue to thrive, Fields said her message to all couples is that relationships “are hard. Never forget that, and that it is just a part of the process, but they can also be joyful, loving and stabilizing.”
She added, “I feel there are three entities in a relationship: two individuals and the relationship. Working at strengthening and nourishing all three entities is essential.”
Eagon said that her message is, “It is challenging work and when you hit bumps in the road, don’t give up. When we got together, we had no thought about our future, and did not think we would still be together after 50 years.”
One thing that worries Fields about the LGBTQ+-rights movement lately is she sees some in the community as being too passive, even as GOP-controlled states are taking away rights from trans and queer people.
“Homophobia, and transphobia especially, still exist,” Fields said. “HIV/AIDS still exists and violence against queer and trans people still exists,” said Fields. “Don’t take for granted that the fight is over. Respect the fights your elders have fought for you. Many have died, lost jobs/careers, lost families and lost housing among other things so that you can have what our community has now. However, this can all disappear if we do not pay attention and assume this is the way it will always be.”
Eagon urged queer and trans youth to become involved with their communities.
“We have gained so much in our lifetime, but it could be taken from us,” said Eagon. “We do not want to go back.”