Alethea Crimmins—known as the “positivity queen” and self-proclaimed “international hype girl”—has inspired many, resulting in a colossal online following exceeding 1.6 million followers on TikTok and 1.1 million followers on Instagram. In addition, she has garnered famous followers as well, including Rihanna, Madonna and Viola Davis.
Before her Sept. 20 talk in Pewaukee, Wisconsin, Crimmins spoke with Windy City Times about being queer, overcoming adversity and talking hard truths.
NOTE: This conversation was edited for clarity and length.
Windy City Times: “The Positivity Queen?” I’ve never talked with royalty before. [Crimmins laughs.] But seriously, do people expect you to be positive 24/7, like they expect comedians to always be funny?
Alethea Crimmins: They do. People have the expectation that I’m supposed to always be “on,” that I’m always supposed to be positive. But the thing about me—and I think this is why people gravitate to me—is that I’m very real and transparent. We all have bad moments, but let’s not turn those into bad days. It’s okay to have dark moments, but you have to pick yourself up from those moments. That’s why I think it’s important for people to see realness—it’s unrealistic to always see me happy.
WCT: I agree about the bad moments—but how do you pick yourself up from those? That’s sometimes easier said than done.
AC: Self-talk is very important. What people don’t know is that this is how I started: me talking to myself. As I’m looking into the camera, I’m looking at me—so I have to give myself advice because I need it. What people don’t see is that as soon as I’m done with the video, I start [crying]. I really need to hear what I say. We have to know and understand that we save us; nobody else can do that job. And sometimes you need to say, “That’s enough”—and that is hard.
WCT: One of the things I’ve heard you say is to make yourself a priority. It’s something along the lines of what I’ve learned over the years—that you have to learn to be your own champion. But I know some people who say “yes” to everything—and there’s not enough of that person left.
AC: Yes. I used to be an avid people-pleaser; I was that yes-man. But I realized that I am “people,” too. I was confused myself.
Once I realized that I need to fill my own cup first—but it’s also important to be surrounded by positive people who are going to “pour” into you. I pour into myself and other people pour into me, so that when I do pour, [it’s] from my overflow. That’s what making yourself a priority looks like.
WCT: And how do you find these positive people? You can find parasites along the way.
AC: Oooh—there are parasites. I have learned to become the bodyguard in my own life; when you do that, you know who has access to you. People will check themselves and know how to come at you. If someone is a particular way—like bringing negativity—then that person can’t have access to me. People do what you allow them to do, so I have learned to monitor who has access to me. And energy is so important; if you have positive energy, then I want you around me.
WCT: Yes. Leave those emotional vampires alone.
AC: Yes, because people will drain you. Especially if you have positive energy; people try to suck that out of you. We can’t keep giving—what is meant for us?
WCT: You really know how to deliver hard truths, because you also say, “You are not meant for everybody and everybody is not meant for you.”
AC: Correct. I’m not everybody’s cup of tea—and that is true because I am Champagne. [Interviewer laughs.] I know that I’m not meant for everybody, so everybody does not have to love me—and it’s not my job to make people like me. My job is to be me. The people who are supposed to be in my life are going to come naturally.
I use the analogy that some people don’t like chocolate, but Hershey’s is not going to stop making chocolate because you don’t like it. I’m going to be me, whether you like me or not. But you have to be comfortable within yourself to be that way. You have to know that everybody won’t like you—and that’s okay. You have to like you. And we can’t lose ourselves trying to live up to others’ expectations of us.
WCT: And, by the way, that’s more Hershey’s for me. [Both laugh.] But how did you end up being in Rihanna’s and Madonna’s orbits?
AC: I made this video because I love to hype people up—especially women. And, all of a sudden, Rihanna was using [it]—and then Kesha, Madonna and Lil Nas X. I was, like, “What is going on?” That video really made people feel good about themselves. I wanted to make people feel like they were worth a million bucks but I never expected it to go that far. Just to know that I made Rihanna feel good about herself in that moment meant the world to me.
WCT: Asking you something I’ve asked people over the year, what is it like for you to be part of the queer community in today’s America? AC: It’s liberating and free—because I was never able to be that. I was always in a box.
I’ve learned who I am because I’m a part of the LGBTQ+ community. I’ve learned so much about me—and I learned how to love myself more. Now, I’m open about myself and I don’t have to hide, and that feels amazing. I’m able to be with my wife and just be.
WCT: Are you worried that some of the rights we have might be taken away, depending on how the November elections go?
AC: Very much so. I worry about it all the time. My wife and I just celebrated 10 years of marriage, and we’ve been together 14 years. I couldn’t imagine not being married to her. And we have a son—I couldn’t imagine going to the doctor and her not being able to file paperwork and get proper care for him. But these rights could be taken away because of ignorance; that’s what it all boils down to. I’m scared about what things could look like—not just for me and my wife, but for everybody else who’s happily married and living their lives, with kids. I’m under my wife’s insurance because we’re married, so my healthcare could be in jeopardy.
The time to take action is now.
WCT: According to your bio, you had a tough time growing up. You had a stutter—although I can’t tell now.
AC: I still do have a stutter, actually. My stutter was one reason but another was that, in the African-American community—especially in a small Southern town—color is a thing. I was the darkest one in my family so I was bullied a whole lot. I was “weird” because I did different things and they also said I “talked white.” But I love being the black sheep [baaing]—it’s a badge of honor.
To find out more about Crimmins’ upcoming talk in Pewaukee, Wisconsin, visit this link