How did Charles Gamble, then a 60-year-old gay man from Chicago, come to spend a day riding roller coasters with a 28-year-old, presumably straight, Australian man he met exiting the Pace bus at Six Flags Great America in 2024?
On the surface, they had little in common. But what began as a solo trip to the theme park turned into something more—a small but meaningful act of connection. This connection would not have happened without Gamble telling himself to “get out of your comfort zone,” he said.
For many older gay men, staying socially connected isn’t just for fun—it’s essential to their health, identity and sense of purpose. And by stepping out of his comfort zone to make a new friend that day, Gamble was combating those feelings of loneliness that many older gay men face.
The health risks of loneliness and isolation
Gamble’s story is more than a feel-good anecdote. It speaks to a growing public health concern: Older adults across the board are at high risk for loneliness.
But for older gay men, the stakes can be even higher.
Loneliness and social isolation are often used interchangeably, but they represent different challenges, both with serious health consequences.
Loneliness is the subjective feeling someone experiences from perceived isolation or lack of meaningful connections.
Social isolation, on the other hand, is the objective lack of social relationships or interactions. Isolation can be due to various reasons, from health challenges that keep people homebound to living in rural areas where LGBTQ+ resources are not readily accessible.
Maintaining healthy social connections is imperative to positive mental and physical health outcomes. The health consequences of loneliness and isolation increase the risk of heart disease, dementia, stroke, anxiety and depression to levels that are comparable to smoking daily, excessive drinking and obesity.
Researchers estimate that one in four older adults experience loneliness, and the AARP Dignity 2024 survey found that four out of five older LGBTQ+ adults are concerned about having enough social support as they age.
Although more research is needed about how older gay men experience loneliness specifically, Dr. Brian Feinstein of Rosalind Franklin University said gay men can often feel invisible or depressed as they age, especially when so much of their community’s attention is focused on youth and appearance.
These issues are often compounded by the family structures older gay men have, Feinstein said.
Older gay men “can have different relationships with family” than heterosexual men, since gay men are less likely to have children and may have more difficult relationships with parents or siblings who do not accept their sexuality, Feinstein said.
Additionally, LGBTQ+ seniors often choose families who are in the same demographic, so their chosen family members are facing similar aging challenges, Feinstein said. And as the chosen family ages, members may face similar physical or mental health issues—or the chosen family gets smaller as people pass away.
Resources in Chicago
In Chicago, there are many resources, programs and other opportunities available for older gay men to engage socially. The city is home to organizations like Chicago Prime Timers, which hosts social events for older LGBTQ+ people to connect, and other local events can be found on Meetup.
The Center on Halsted gives older LGBTQ+ adults a place to connect through its Pride in Aging program. The programs are housed in the Center on Addison, an LGBTQ+ senior center.
Britta Larson, senior services director at the Center on Halsted, said, “Social isolation is by far the biggest challenge experienced by most of the folks we’re serving.”
Larson also said the Pride in Aging program offers services for older LGBTQ+ people willing to “step outside their comfort zone.”
Larson said programming like Pride in Aging is important because LGBTQ+ participants are often hesitant to engage in general population programs if they feel service providers or attendees won’t welcome them.
Staying connected or engaged doesn’t always have to be with others in your demographic.
Chicago is also home to intergenerational programs for LGBTQ+ people that can give older gay men opportunities to connect with younger and older people in their community. This includes organizations like Little Brothers – Friends of the Elderly, which matches younger volunteers with seniors through in-home visits.
There’s also the LGBTQ+ Intergenerational Dialogue Project, which started in 2019 as a partnership between the School of the Art Institute and the Center on Halsted. College students and LGBTQ+ seniors engage in meaningful dialogue while creating art projects.
Intergenerational groups are also learning experiences. A word like “queer” that had a negative connotation to an older generation can have an affirming connotation to another generation, which leads to a history lesson. As Gamble mentioned, seniors get to share how the freedoms that younger generations take for granted today are due to the fights and sacrifices of older generations. Participating in the Intergenerational Dialogue Project is a mutual learning opportunity for Gamble, since it also lets him “hear what the youth are saying.”
Using technology to combat loneliness and isolation
Utilizing social media groups on platforms like Facebook and Reddit can also provide a healthy sense of community when used appropriately. Additionally, consumers aged 55 or older now account for a quarter of all gamers, including those playing online in small and large groups. Other kinds of technology available to help older gay adults combat loneliness and isolation include SAGE x HearMe, SAGE’s collaboration with HearMe on an app that provides a place to text or talk to volunteers who are part of the community.
According to the Chief Experience Officer at SAGE, Christina DaCosta, 40% of the users are in rural areas, making it a valuable resource for people outside large urban areas.
“We’re seeing folks sign up almost every day,” said DaCosta, because it is a way for people to “have that connection,” they may not get from other sources.
Others have found a sense of connection to their community through “dating apps,” which have a reputation for being hookup sites but can offer space for gay adults to connect in other ways, too.
Greg, a 72-year-old who asked to be identified by his first name only, lives in St. Petersburg, Florida, and said he’s met more “quality” people through dating apps and sites like Recon, a site for members of the kink community, than he has in person.
Through participating in those platforms, Greg has formed relationships with people in Canada and multiple states in the U.S. who share similar interests in sex, politics and economics, without first being judged by physical appearance.
Greg said he uses kink sites because “I’m getting the essence from those guys that people enjoy their kinky sex, but they realize there’s more to life than just that. I hardly hear people talking to me about that here,” in St. Petersburg.
Dr. Feinstein noted that dating apps and sex can have complicated roles in loneliness. “Apps can help older gay men to meet partners, but it can be challenging to find longer-term relationships on apps.”
Next Steps
What should you do if you are feeling lonely or socially isolated? Talk to professionals. Reach out to friends through social media or telephone calls. Exercise. Do things you enjoy, even if it’s just taking a long walk. Check programming at your local LGBTQ+ community center. Or contact services and programs that connect you with others.
And, like Charles Gamble, be willing to leave your comfort zone.