Too often, the phrase “estate planning” suggests legal appointments, costly documents and an abstract notion of preparing for death. There is another way to approach estate planning—deeply personal and meaningful.
When my mom was diagnosed with a terminal disease, she made the deliberate decision to plan ahead not just for herself—but for those she loved. In doing so, she turned something that many people postpone into an act of love.
Mom had been the one to settle her own mother’s affairs, and she experienced the stress and confusion that comes with “closing out another person’s life”. My mom didn’t want her children to face the same upheaval. She consulted with professionals, signed the necessary paperwork, and left clear instructions. She did it because she loved us. That, in my mind, is what estate planning really is—an act of love.
When someone we love passes on, the grief comes on strong. While we are grieving the loss, we also face the reality of life’s obligations. Life’s obligatory paperwork can quickly become what feels like an avalanche which turns into anxiety and stress. There are wills and other legal documents to find; bank, credit card and retirement accounts to close and transfer; insurance policies to redeem and cancel; beneficiaries to contact, and the final payment of your loved one’s debts and obligations. These are heavy tasks to undertake under any circumstances, but after the death of a loved one, the burdens are magnified by our grief.
When we plan beforehand, the practical burdens we place on our loved ones are dramatically lighter. When every major account is listed in one location, when the legal and financial map is already laid out, and all the online account information and passwords are known; then loved ones can spend their time remembering the person who died, instead of filling out the next required form or hunting for documents.
Your legacy is another important aspect of estate planning. My mom left more than documents. She left memories, traditions, recipes, family stories—those threads that bind generations together. When we plan our affairs, there is a unique opportunity to preserve those moments. These are the things that tell others “who we are.” Each memory becomes a gift our children and grandchildren carry with them long after we are gone.
I find that when we think about legacy as “acts of love,” estate planning transforms from a task into a testament. When I work with families, these recipes, stories, and traditions are always the best part of their time spent estate planning. Whether it’s a family recipe passed down, a story told every holiday, or a promise that debts will not become burdens—these are the quiet acts of love that live on.
No matter how many possessions—or how few—one has, careful planning is not for the wealthy alone. It’s for anyone who wants to spare their loved ones avoidable stress. It’s for anyone who wants their final chapter to reflect love, dignity, and connectedness.
As we enjoy the holiday season and plan our family holiday traditions, this is a great time to think about making sure the story your loved ones remember is one of thoughtfulness, compassion and continuity.
If you ever wonder whether estate planning is “for you,” the answer is simple: if you love somebody—then yes, it’s for you—because estate planning is an act of love for those you love.
John Kohlhepp is the owner of A Secure Plan, LLC, an End-of-Life Planning and Death AfterCare company. After the death of his mother, John chose a new career path to help people and families making end-of-life plans and completing the paperwork after a loved one dies. Previously, John worked in progressive politics for labor unions, immigrant rights, and marriage equality.