As everyone knows, life is a combination of sometimes stratospheric highs and devastating lows.
In What Mattered Most: A Memoir, openly gay country singer Ty Herndon discusses meeting people in various capacities (personal and professional) and his rise to fame, including appearances on the TV show Star Search. However, this book is also an account of battles Herndon has fought on several fronts—including addiction, coming out and even sexual assault. It’s an account that leaves no stone unturned, but does so in a way that incorporates humor as well as brutal honesty.
Note: This conversation was edited for clarity and length.
Windy City Times: Before we talk about the book, I understand you were at the GLAAD Media Awards. How was that event?
Ty Herndon: It was super-fun and chaotic, like it’s supposed to be. You know, you have this little Alabama boy saying, “Oh, hi, Demi Lovato.” How did I get here? Lord have mercy. And the first thing out of everybody’s mouth always is, “Where’s that accent from?” I say, “It’s from me.”
WCT: You should respond that you’re from England, just to see how they react.
TH: Yeah—southern England. [Both laugh.]
WCT: So congratulations on this book. It’s a very compelling read, and a quick one. Yet, there’s a lot to absorb. Did you want this memoir to be educational—to be informative? Also, how cathartic was it for you?
TH: You know, what did it for me was [the Alan Downs book The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World], which I put in the book. If I was gonna tell my story, I wanted something educational, something that would be around for a long time, something that someone could look back on and say, “Okay—how did you do that?” And, “Oh my God! Here’s somebody who made as many mistakes as I did, but there was a hallelujah day”—and there was a space to live and stay in that hallelujah space.
When I sat down with [ghostwriter] David Ritz, the first thing out of his mouth was “Let me put you at ease: I was arrested at Stonewall.” I said, “Oh, hallelujah.” He got me so comfortable and he got me in a space that I thought my story was valuable.
And my friend Kristen Chenoweth dropped by the studio and she kind of took my little face and she said, “Honey, let me take you to the outskirts of your town because you can’t be telling your story and it’s sitting next to you. I need to take you out here. You need to sit on this hill and look down on this valley and tell that boy’s story. And you’ll be just fine.” She was absolutely correct. I had to tell my story as an outsider, not as an insider.
WCT: That’s such a Southern way of putting it—that you’re sitting out. I know a little about Southern life myself.
TH: So you know that, OK, we’re going to sweep all these problems under the rug. And when it comes time to talk about them…
WCT: There are so many things you could have titled this memoir. Why did you settle on What Mattered Most?
TH: I really never even ran it by my ghostwriter. All along it was going to be called it and we just never had talked about it. But he said, “Call it What Mattered Most. It’s been your iconic label—the stamp on your forehead for so many years.” [Note: “What Mattered Most” is the title of Herndon’s debut single that was released in 1995.]
It does say it all for me. I have learned so many times in so many houses and so many rooms that I’ve built and burned down—each room representing what mattered most to me that I didn’t even see in front of my face. That’s really what I want the reader to get from this: There’s no space that’s too dirty or awful that you can’t find the courage to unlock the door.
WCT: I do not plan on writing a memoir but I admire people who do. Is there any part of it that had you wondering what people would think of you?
TH: I was terrified. One of the first things you read in this book is that by the end of this, you’re probably not gonna like me very much. And for me to own that was a huge moment in my life. I just need you to hear me.
WCT: You say in the book that you want people to love you.
TH: Yeah. I mean, that little 10-year-old preacher kid from Alabama at Pentecostal tabernacles—that’s really all I ever wanted. I knew God’s love and family’s love—so why would I ever want to stray from that? But I was, like, in a softball tournament. Somebody hit a home run way out in the woods, and nobody could find it. And I was finding my way back to home base.
WCT: There were so many parts that I could relate to—not performing at Opryland, of course, but having an emotionally distant father or having a childhood that was steeped in church. And, speaking of church, starting the memoir with that account of the [fiery] preacher was something else.
TH: I was able to go back as it was written—as if I were sitting there on that front row. Things that would seem to be such a curse to relive become such a huge blessing to relive. I’m an adult and I got to go hold that little guy and say “Everything’s gonna be okay.” What carried me through this was the outcome; the stories became more important because I knew that there was gonna be that 9-year-old kid who may not read this until he’s 14—but it’s gonna be there for him. There’s gonna be in the self-help aisle a little guy who just wants to change the world with God’s love and God’s gonna lead him to that book. Whatever you’re connected to will lead you to a place of healing—even if it’s sitting on the ground with a handful of pills and you feel the Holy Spirit, or the spirit of life raises you up. You gotta love yourself [more] than anybody else.
WCT: You talk about addictions in this book, including porn and crystal meth. Would you say you were addicted to fame at one point?
TH: Actually, I was not. My career terrified me because nothing about it was the truth.
I didn’t know at the time that I was a functional addict. I never heard the term but if I knew if I had a sold-out show then I was going to walk on that stage at my best, which it would have been 50%—but it was enough. If you’re going through hell, just keep going. There were so many nights of that. You do what you can to survive.
It was, like, “I want to run to you.” That song came to me last night. I ran to my mom. I ran to the drugs. I ran to the music. I ran. I was constantly running to something.
WCT: At one point, you talk about when you almost jumped off the hotel balcony and this little Latina woman talked you out of it—but she didn’t exist.
TH: Some people say it was probably a dream. I don’t care what it was—it was a dream come true for me. Whether it was the ghost of my father or just the Holy Spirit, something was present that day that said, “Come on over here. You need to take a little nap and get on with your life.” And that was the first day I learned to lock something down.
WCT: I want to ask you something that someone asked you, according to the book. Who are you? Who is Ty Herndon?
TH: Well, I’m not Ty Herndon. I am Boyd Tyrone Herndon, son of Peggy Herndon and Boyd Herndon—and I was a little Pentecostal preacher from the time I was 10 years old. I’m a spiritual, fully grown man. That’s who I am. And I get the honor of doing music for a living. So it is a gift. And I am also a husband; hopefully, a father one day; and a big Amazon orderer.
WCT: What would you advise your 18-year-old self?
TH: I would tell him, “I’m going to try to put armor around you because you’re going to walk through so much fire. You probably think you’re not going to survive. And when you get to where you’re going, you will understand it all. And you will be blown away with the resilience of your ancestors and your blood and bones and who you are.”
WCT: And your 18-year-old self would’ve listened?
TH: [Smiles] Silly answer and serious answer: If you were a cute boy, yes. If you were a therapist trying to tell me to get my shit together, no.
But seriously, I would hug him and tell him “Please learn to listen to people who you trust and know that God loves you.”
What Mattered Most: A Memoir can be found on Amazon and anywhere else books are sold.