Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Pubert: Hot cover. Policemen have a built-in hotness factor.
Colon: Headshots on the back.
P: Like a police lineup.
We begin our cop’s tail with a rookie on the force.
P: This video has a plot.
C: He is cute. I like them bears!
P: The Police guy has a long nightstick. He looks better with his sunglasses on.
C: Well, so much for the plot. The rookie is off to his first adventure.
A civilian makes a call to the police to ask for protection from a stalker looking in his window.
P: The civilian should put some clothes on. There is too much temptation for the average policeman.
C: I feel dirty. Does the scene end with him getting clean in the shower?
P: If you can’t get clean and dirty in a bathroom, where can you do it?
C: Now we are moving into the living room. He just spanked the policeman on the couch!
P: Whoa, ride ’em cowboy! Is this where our tax dollars are going?
C: This scene should be used on the video for training police officers on how not to behave.
Next scene has a kind man in uniform pulling over to the side of the road to help two stranded hunks.
P: Well, since he is a policeman and not a mechanic, he has to take the guys for a ride in the squad car.
C: They have grease on their pants and are trying to wipe it off.
P: Those guys are getting excited in the back seat.
C: And the helpful officer doesn’t seem to mind…
P: Where is he taking them?
C: The one has a Gene Simmons tongue.
P: This is turning into Taxi Cab Confessions, with a little Chips thrown in the mix!
C: The policeman should watch the road, not the rearview mirror.
P: Oh, he is bringing them to an abandoned warehouse.
C: This is turning into a hot three-way.
P: Look at the product placement. Use Pjur lube. And the video comes with a packet from the lubricant company.
C: This is a long video.
P: I am so busy we have to get together to review at one o’clock in the morning. This is a dirty job!
C: Speaking of dirty, this warehouse is so dirty, they have to keep their boots on.
P: Well, this is certainly a hot scene. And we got the group jack off to end it.
This is followed by a scene with a limousine driver and the people he is driving home.
P: What happened to the police theme?
C: Let’s keep this video moving, fast forward!
Next, we have two officers dropping off for a bite at the Ocean Grill.
P: I bet they get a discount. In a restaurant that I worked at once, police got more of a discount than I did and I worked there. Not fair!
C: The one copper is going to the bathroom.
P: He is dropping to his knees and sucking a strange dick in a glory hole.
C: Glory holes are illegal and the fuzz should not support this.
P: He just got dick smacked!
C: They are playing penis games.
P: And all the team is getting in on the act. I guess it is a slow night in the world of crime.
C: Well, these pigs are getting busy.
P: They are doing a circle jerk. Is that a patron?
C: He was just there to stick his cock through the hole.
P: Saying hello to your friendly neighborhood cop.
C: This video is turning into water sports.
P: Something for everyone. Thank you, Titan.
C: The video has a slow pace.
P: Like watching a whole season of Hill Street Blues.
C: It has a lot of potential but the bag is only half full.
P: A good editor could have made this a classic.
Pubert: Thumbs up the butt.
Colon: Thumbs down the throat.
To get arrested with Copshack, go to www.TitanMen.com.
To read past reviews go to windycitytimes.com and type in ‘Pubert.’