I thought it was a nice touch that friends of Joe Camber, a gay man murdered a year ago in Knoxville, Tenn., planted a dogwood tree in his memory. I hope they’ve got someone with ‘green fingers’ looking after it.

I don’t have green fingers. Mine are pink. I’ve got gay fingers, and mine do not like gardening. Reading about Joe Camber and the dogwood tree brought to life my own perennial nightmare i.e. what am I going to do with the yard this year? I don’t know a dogwood tree from a daffodil.

Every year I stand on the porch and plan fountains, goldfish ponds, life-size replicas of Michelangelo’s David—only with a bigger you-know-what. (Have you seen that tiny little pecker on him? What was Missie Angelo thinking?)

Anyway, every year I make big gardening plans and every year I end up throwing bags of coco-shells everywhere just to cover up the weeds and then I hope for the best. I can’t even keep a plant indoors. I’ve tried. I once bought a plant at Gethsemane, but it died of alcoholic poisoning within days. I thought vodka would pep it up a bit!! Who knew? It didn’t say anything on the pot, like … DO NOT WATER THIS PLANT WITH VODKA …

This year I’m thinking of putting in a hot tub … or maybe I’ll just do the coco-shell thing.

+++

Just when the freak show I call my gay life was getting old and boring, along came Lynda and Jools Topp, a pair of yodeling lesbian twins from New Zealand, to bring a little bit of weirdness back into it.

The Topp twins are huge in New Zealand; admittedly not that impressive in a country of only four million. They’re famous for their country and western harmonies, guitar and yodeling abilities as well as well as creating hilarious characters that make up their televised and live comedy shows.

They’ve also published a book of colorful writings about their lives, and about the joys of yodeling. I hope they come back to Chicago one day. Is this the end of Cher as a gay icon? Is she about to overtaken by the Topps?

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With all the subtlety of a ‘daisy cutter’ bomb, Pope John Paul II is about to canonize a 17th century Spanish monk for helping to stop the Muslim invasion of Turks into Europe by rallying Catholics and protestants to fight on the eve of the Battle of Vienna in 1683. (They managed to kill 15,000 Turks that day.)

The monk, Marco d’Aviano, a wandering preacher for the Capuchin monastic order, is also credited with inspiring cappuccino coffee. The legend goes that after the battle, the Viennese found sacks of coffee, which they diluted with milk and honey, until it was the color of the Capuchin’s robes. That’s why they called the drink Capuchino.

I guess that makes Marco d’Aviano the patron saint of Starbucks.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Is the Catholic church running out of people to canonize? Is that what it takes to be a saint these days—kill 15,000 people and have a coffee named after you.

I’ve got a better saint. What about Barbie? Barbie has brought more joy into the world than this half-crazed Spanish monk. Why don’t they canonize her? St. Barbie of Mattel. She’s never been fucked, the bitch has got everything, she always looks stunning, and she doesn’t slaughter 15,000 Turks in one day …

She’d be perfect. But oh no! That half-crazed homophobic fuckhead in the Vatican chooses to canonize someone who killed Muslims …

… That’s helpful!!

—————————————-

CHICAGO

WHISPERS

In the early 1980s the late-historian Gregory Sprague wrote a groundbreaking article about gay life in Chicago for The Advocate. While looking through his files at the Chicago Historical Society, I found the following letter to him from poet Edouard Rodita, describing his experience as a young gay man living in Chicago in the late-1930s.

Dated Nov. 11, 1983, the letter reads: ‘Ray Koskovich communicated to me a Xerox of your excellent article in Advocate and suggested that I write you. I hasten to do this now, before my return to my home in Paris.

‘I was a student at the University of Chicago in 1937-1938. Living on very limited funds, I was unable to lead a very active and varied homosexual life, but was able to observe a lot that I can still remember.

‘The Canine Club on the South Side was a Black nightclub with an excellent all-transvestite floorshow. It’s customers were mainly heterosexual sightseers, but a fair sprinkling of homosexuals too.

‘Jackson Park, near the University on the South Side, was an active cruising ground in fine weather until about midnight. Over weekends, some workers from South Chicago steel mills used to cruise there, also in some of the bars in the ‘Studs Lonnigan’ neighborhood south of midway.

‘The Long Bar on West Madison Street was a great cruising ground where one met truck drivers etc. Near it, a Turkish Bath was the most working class bath in Chicago. There were, in addition to Jack’s, which was the most upper-class one, three more: The Lincoln Baths, just off Lincoln Park, and two on N. Clark St, the Wacker Baths, and another, of which I forget the name. Both of these last two were in basements and relatively small.

‘In the summer, the beach beyond Jackson Park was fairly active by day, especially over weekends. The toilets and rooms where men could change into swimming trunks were fairly active.

‘Some of the inscriptions on the walls of the Illinois Central Station toilets were particularly witty, for instance: ‘FUCK PEOPLE.’

‘One poor soul had written on the wall: ‘MY MOTHER MADE ME QUEER.’ Another had then written underneath it: ‘ASK HER TO KNIT ME ONE TOO.’

‘I guess this is all the information I can give you, except also that the toilets on the first floor of Marshall Field’s, near the book department, were also a popular meeting place.’

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In his letter, Rodita mentions the Lincoln Baths and they were certainly around into the 1960s, and also the target of many raids. In the course of my own research, I’ve heard mention of several other bathhouses frequented by gay men, but the details are sometimes sketchy. If you know anything about the following bathhouses, or can even confirm they existed, please let me know.

The Gayshe Baths at 4816 N. Western Ave. opened in early 1975. (Not to be confused with Man’s World North, which opened later at 4740 N. Western Ave). The Gayshe was formerly a straight establishment and called the Geisha. Apparently, when it was straight, it was raided by Lt. George Bicek. Ald. John Hoellen of the 47th Ward—a Republican mayoral candidate at the time—was also trying to close it down. How long the Gayshe Baths were in existence, I don’t know, and there’s a chance it was closed down as soon as it opened.

The Gay Broadway Baths at 4411 N. Broadway in March 1974, but by November of that year it was turned into a health spa for the straight community.

In 1973 the Devon Baths at 1314 W. Devon Ave. were listed in gay directories, but beyond that I have no information.

The Ohio & State Baths at 9 E. Ohio St. opened in 1976. In March, Richard Pfeiffer wrote in his Chicago GayLife column: ‘A new baths, the Ohio and State Baths, will be opening soon with full health facilities including exercise room and disco and will be operated by the owner of the Wacker Health Club.’

An ad in the May 14 issue of Chicago GayLife read: ‘The Most Modern Health Club in the U.S.A. Opening On or Around May 15.’

The Ohio & State Baths were still around in 1982, and hosted many events, including Halloween parties and drag shows. In 1980, the Windy City Wrestling Club met there on Mondays.

Steamworks Ltd. at 3131 N. Lincoln Ave. (No, not the current one on Halsted Street) opened in 1977. It was affiliated with the Barracks in Philadelphia and the Barracks in Baltimore. Apart from the usual bathhouse facilities, in 1978 Wednesday night was Tournament night, and that meant backgammon, chess and cards. One of the stars at Steamworks Ltd. was someone called Stella, who celebrated his/her champagne birthday party there on Saturday, Oct. 7, 1978. Every Saturday at 8 a.m. they served a continental breakfast.

Here’s a mysterious one. Apparently, there was a bathhouse called the Swimming Pool, either at 4809, or 4807, N. Kenmore in 1977. In October 1978 they had a ‘Splash Party.’

The Wacker Baths at 674 N. Clark St. opened in 1933. It was still listed in the gay papers in March 1983. In early 1976, the baths were remodeled with new steam and sauna rooms. In the summer of 1980 the Wacker Baths came under new management and was remodeled again.

The Wabash Baths at 28-32 E. 8th St. was in existence in the early 1940s, though I don’t know exactly when it opened. In 1976, the baths were raided. A report in Chicago GayLife read: ‘Increased police activity and harassment of gay establishments are being noted in light of a recent raid on the Wabash Health Club, 28-32 E. 8th St., on Chicago Loop’s South Side.

‘A police officer entered the premises about 8:30 p.m. on Friday, January 23. He paid for a room, and inquired if the desk clerk sold liquor. The desk clerk told him they did not serve liquor, but finally offered to get some for him at a nearby liquor store. The officer paid for it with a $5 bill and gave the desk clerk a $1 tip.

‘The officer then invited the desk clerk into his room. Conflicting stories arise at this point as to what actually happened next. In any event, the policeman eventually called in a number of other officers. The desk clerk was charged with selling liquor without a license, and prostituting himself with the officer (or operating a house of prostitution, according to some reports).

‘The entire house of 14 patrons were arrested, along with the manager and the desk clerk, and taken to the police station. The patrons were later released. Conflicting stories arise again: the management of the bathhouse reported that the patrons were not arrested. However, several patrons called this paper’s office indicating that they were indeed booked and later arrested.’

E-mail sukiedelacroix@ozhasspoken.com