When I tell people just how much organization goes into dying, most folks get skittish and think they can opt out.

Alas, opting out of dying is not optional.  And the paper trail we need to leave behind is impressive. Making plans to gather it while of sound mind is a gift to the one to handle our affairs afterwards. The thing is, we just never know when it’ll be our time to exit—right?

I like to tell people: “You want to leave memories, not a mess.” People nod in agreement, yet getting them to actually put the pedal to the metal is a challenge.

Having done the estate papers and “clean up in Aisle Five” for both my parents, I’m here to tell you, it’s dizzying. And, the more mess, the more eyerolls.  And the under the breath mumblings about the dearly departed are often less kind. The memories may get a bit tainted due to the mess.

When my father passed (five years before my mother), most of his affairs got transferred directly to my mother. While she’d been named his executor, she was a bit “fiddle-dee-dee” about it all and just didn’t want to. It fell to me.

So, I got my feet wet as an executrix (I love the sound of that title). Then, upon her passing, it fell to me again. This was overwhelming, as the only organization to date had been what I’d done for Dad. She’d done, well, nothing. Even wading through a basket of dusty sympathy cards (now five years old) next to her TV chair, some still with gifts of checks or cash tucked inside, I knew my executrix tasks would be a nightmare.

They were and, in retrospect, I now find myself much better prepared for my own finale, and for helping others get ready for theirs.  

Bit by bit, due to parental experiences and digging deeper into this dimension—out of curiosity and a passion—I have created a pretty inclusive list of everything one really should have in order. We should not merely possess them; we should know where they all are and gather them into a neat, tidy space for whomever will be responsible.

That neat, tidy space could be an official file box (even fireproof), or a tote bag, a thick 3-ring binder, a big box from Amazon, old suitcase or whatever works. However, to have it and the contents labeled, to make your executor clearly aware of where it and all the contents are located, will bring peace to the realm sooner than later. For all concerned parties.

I look at the completed accordion files created for my parents’ estates (1999 and 2004) and think: Wow—a whole lot of life distilled into these manageable containers. Didn’t start out that way. And now? Humbling. Yet, there’s an abundance of room now for pleasant memories that live on and are shared. No more eye-rolls.

As a certified life coach who, in my own golden years, ignited my passion for end-of-life issues, I now coach individuals to get their affairs, their files, in order. 

Things folks (you) want to consider gathering go far beyond the standard Last Will & Testament. The following only begins to scratch the surface. However, here are a few musts to get your hands on: real estate documents, insurance policies, bank accounts, auto registrations, keys, computer/phone passwords, safe deposit box (location and key?), marriage/divorce certificates, military discharge papers, airline miles, bus passes, credit cards, storage units and more. Much more. Have you penned your obituary? Thought about a service of some sort—or not? Remember—this is your life. Have it be yours to the very end – and beyond. 

Yes, it’s a lot.  Seriously, a lot.  Like the poem by Robert Herrick: “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old time is still a-flying.  And this same flower that smiles today, Tomorrow will be dying.” Begin to gather info now, tucked into a place where it will remain. Visit it, add to it, organize it, name it. Know it. It’s all about you!

So, when the time comes, your loved ones will remember you as being awesome and you will indeed leave memories, not a mess.

Lois Hobart is a life and end-of-life coach and facilitator, living at The Admiral at the Lake, a Edgewater/Uptown Continuing Care Retirement Community, where she creates and leads all end-of-life programming; from Death Cafes, info sessions on having one’s papers in order, alternatives to traditional burial, grief support groups and an annual Remembrance Celebration to honor all residents, staff and pets who departed the previous year.