Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2023-12-13
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2021-07-26

This article shared 1546 times since Mon Jul 26, 2021
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email


"I'd still be full of jokes and fun, but no more naked pranks. I can see now my actions were pretty juvenile but this was a different time and it's something I would not do today."—John Barrowman told The Daily Mail about claims of his inappropriate behavior on the set. He said he stopped when Executive Producer Julie Gardner told him, "Grow up!" He adds, "This is the first time—and the last—I will address this subject. And then I plan to draw a thick black line under it."

Your beloved Billy was almost a goner. For a split second, I was certain that I had the big C. No, not cancer—the coronavirus. Yes, I've been vaccinated and, yes, I asked everyone I've slept with for proof of vaccination. But, people lie. After the cluster of Delta variant cases from Fourth of July festivities in Provincetown, concern was in the air. When I came down with cold symptoms 10 days later, even my usual laissez-faire attitude was challenged. So I made haste to get tested—better safe than sorry, as the saying goes. I am happy to report I have nothing more contagious than a nasty New England summer cold.

While life goes on in Ptown, people are on tenterhooks … whatever those are. An indoor mask mandate has just been announced. How this will affect things remains to be seen. In terms of shows, I know that Billy Francesca cut his run short due to corona concern. Steve Grand was in town for two weeks, and posted the following: "I tested positive for COVID-19 today. I'm fully vaccinated. I started experiencing symptoms last Friday, a day after I flew back from Ptown. I say this not to alarm, but to notify anyone who had contact with me while I was there." If you had "contact" with Steve, consider yourself notified—and feel free to send us details (and videos).

Before the Tokyo Olympics even began, there was already controversy … and a new star. The controversy came from reports that the beds in the Olympic Village were made of recycled materials and were "anti-sex." The star came in the form of Irish gymnast Rhys McClenaghan, who decided to test the beds by jumping up and down on one. He proved that they are mighty sturdy, and made me wanna risk being thrown out of the Olympic Village … again. I mean, that ban must have been lifted by now. It's been a long time since Lillehammer.

The Opening Ceremonies in an empty stadium reminded me of the sound of one hand clapping. If a Tongan flag bearer is shirtless and oiled up and nobody is there to ogle him, does it even matter? It probably mattered to Mike Pence, who I'm sure was watching and enjoyed seeing the slightly expanded Pita Taufatofua once again. Hopefully, Mother was around to reap the benefits.

Liza Minnelli is back in the news. Last week, she turned up for Michael Feinstein's gig at Vitello's Restaurant in Studio City—one of the few eateries with a body count! With the assistance of two people, Liza gingerly made her way into a chair. Simply sitting seemed a strain. Her scattered storytelling was endearing, but her singing was—well, Liza-esque. Somewhere, somehow, someone must be able to find a song that doesn't depend on the letter "S" so much—"My Sweet Embraceable You" sounded like an ad for Polygrip! One friend called it elder abuse. You can decide for yourself when you watch the video on BillyMasters.com .

By the by, Liza was once again passed over for the Kennedy Center Honors. The 2021 honorees were announced last week, and it's a starry list, indeed. Bette Midler, Joni Mitchell, Berry Gordy, Lorne Michaels and opera singer Justino Diaz have made the cut. Well, there's always next year, Liza.

Our "Ask Billy" question made me sit up and take notice. Reggie in Tulsa writes, "I don't know if you watch John Oliver, but he showed clips of a foreign kiddie show about a man with a giant penis. What???"

I don't watch John Oliver with any regularity, so I missed this segment. However, my crack research team (some of whom are actually on crack) found the show. "John Dillermand" is, indeed, a Danish children's show. Or a mini-show. The first season consisted of 13 five-minute episodes. Apparently "diller" is what the Danes call a penis. So the show is actually called "John Penisman." John is a middle-aged man who is always in a red-and-white full-length bathing costume—like they wore in the 20s. He has a penis that can extend long enough to tame a lion, or act as a helicopter propeller, or use as a pogo stick. But sometimes the penis gets itself in trouble—I suppose that's where the song "My Penis Has a Mind of Its Own" comes from. The show debuted earlier this year and is geared toward 4-to-8-year-old children! Not only has there not been a single complaint—it's gone viral. It has been praised because it shows a penis in a positive light—and when was the last time something like that happened? I'll post clips of the unclipped penis on BillyMasters.com .

When a penis can be used for good, it's definitely time to end yet another column. This got me thinking—it's high time the Olympics considered adding some sort of penis-centric activity to the Games. I mean, if you can roll a hula hoop and wave a stick with a string on the end and call that an event, anything is possible. While I figure out who to call about this, you can take a gander at a plethora of penii at BillyMasters.com—the site that is always thinking outside the box. If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before John Dillermand competes in the Olympics as a pole vaulter—with his own pole! So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 1546 times since Mon Jul 26, 2021
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email

Out and Aging
Presented By

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Theater Review: Billy Elliot, The Musical
2024-02-19
Book and Lyrics: Lee Hall; Music: Elton John. At: Paramount Theatre, 23 E. Galena Blvd., Aurora Tickets: 630-896-6666 or Paramountaurora.com; $28-$79. Runs through March 24 Billy Elliot: The Musical may nearly be two decades old, but ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ Kelly Clarkson, Billy Porter and Luke Evans, 'All of Us,' 'Book of Mormon'
2024-01-05
Video below - At Kelly Clarkson's "Chemistry: An Intimate Evening" residency show in Las Vegas, two men got married with the help of the singer/talk-show host as a witness, EW.com noted. In an audience video from the show, fans ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The tea that got spilled in 2023
2023-12-26
"No offense, but you look like Billy Masters." —I don't know which part of this quip from a stranger insulted me more—that he didn't realize I am Billy Masters, or he thought someone would take offense ...


Gay News

MOVIES Bill Oliver reflects on a queer couple's custody fight in 'Our Son'
2023-12-21
In the compelling, intimate movie Our Son (in theaters and available via streaming), Luke Evans and Billy Porter portray a married couple in which one of them decides to file for divorce. However, this is no ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Barry Manilow really was just interested in the articles
2023-12-19
"I wouldn't be in it now if they gave me a million dollars. I'm never going to change my mind. They can just go you-know-what themselves." —Cher tells Kelly Clarkson her thoughts on being snubbed by ...


Gay News

LGBTQ+ baseball executives announce cancer battles
2023-12-13
Openly gay Major League Baseball (MLB) executive Billy Bean announced he has been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia and that he needs a donor for a bone-marrow transplant, Gay City News noted. USA Today initially reported ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Fun messiness from the Ladies of the '80s
2023-12-12
"Everybody wants a bf like Timothée Chalamet...until it's time to change a tire." —Meghan McCain. OK, so she only retweeted it. But I'm filled with the spirit of giving. Alas, I suspect Timmy could only ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The icing on the cake at a gender-reveal party
2023-12-05
"To hell with this place!"—George Santos's parting comments after being ejected from Congress. He also said that Congress "is full of felons galore." At least, that's what I think he said. With his lisp, it sounded ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The Dolly Cowboy Cheerleaders
2023-11-28
Whoever intended to dumb down the citizens of America have done a FANTASTIC job. We are dumb as shit!"—Patti LuPone in an interview with broadcaster Tom Power prior to her touring show Don't Monkey with Broadway ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ Billy Porter, queer novel, 'Tammy Faye,' queer DJ, Bella Ramsey
2023-11-24
Billy Porter released his long-awaited new album, Black Mona Lisa, via Island Records UK/Republic Records, and it's executive-produced by Justin Tranter, a press release noted. Porter said, "So many of the songs on my album have ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Was Kim Kardashian officiating your wedding worth it?
2023-11-20
I'd hoped to never again type the word "Jada" again. But this week, it's inevitable. It is being alleged that actor Duane Martin (don't feel bad—I had to look him up as well) slept with Will ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The times Streisand failed to make a splash
2023-11-13
"Fame is a hollow trophy. No matter who you are, you can only eat one pastrami sandwich at a time."—Wise words from Barbra Streisand. You all know that Barbra Streisand's book is out. And I ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Barbra's bio hits stores...but don't rain on Cher's parade either
2023-11-07
"I will be forced to be in a position where I will have to openly say how I feel about the film and go against you, my mother and this film publicly."—Lisa Marie Presley's e-mail to director Sofia Coppola after reading ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Britney spills the tea
2023-10-31
"Brad Pitt, I think, in 'Troy'. That's a beautiful man. There's no denying it."—Jacob Elordi tells Jimmy Fallon his first celebrity crush. (If you can't place Jacob, you'll soon see him playing Elvis Presley in Sofia ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Madonna sets her watch to Diva Time
2023-10-23
"It is truly obscene what they're charging for tickets to 'Merrily We Roll Along' on Broadway. $500 to $800. PLUS—$40 a ticket 'handling charge.'"—Kevin Chamberlin voices his outrage at the price of Broadway tickets. Imag ...


 


Copyright © 2024 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.

All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.