1) Blonde man’s bluff: Scientists have theorized that natural blondes will be extinct in 200 years. Unless a bunch of folks are moving from Harlem to Scandinavia, I don’t see how that’s going to happen.
2) Car trouble: In Virginia, a female porn star won $500,000 after being in a car accident. Fortunately, she had her own air bags.
3) Skin game: On the Today show, co-host Matt Lauer accidentally introduced a Pentagon correspondent as a Penthouse correspondent. I’m sure he was doing the breast he could.
4) Gun ‘n’ games: According to the documentary Bowling for Columbine, some Michigan banks give out guns when people open accounts. I wonder if there are different types of accounts, like snub-nose, revolver, rifle …
5) Bono: The U2 singer has recorded a song with Jennifer Lopez. I know he’s into lost causes, but he needs to rein it in a bit.
6) All hung up: Tobey Maguire, Matthew McConaughey and Sean Penn are on a list of the most well-endowed celebrities in Hollywood. You know something’s up when no Black actors are on the list.
7) Mayor Daley: What I wouldn’t give to see him in a pub full of pilots right about now.
8) The hair, you say: Great Clips Salon in Denver recently charged a Black woman an ethnicity fee to do her hair. After that, they’re lucky they didn’t have to charge her an ass-kicking tax.
9) Whitney Houston: She better watch it or she’s gonna be on ‘Hollywood Squares’ a couple years from now. (‘Tom, I’ll take Whitney Houston for the block … ‘)
10) Geraldo Rivera: In Iraq, he supposedly showed his location by drawing a sketchy map on the ground. Wow … to have the brains of Anna Nicole Smith and the respectability of the National Enquirer.
11) ‘American Idol’: Two of the finalists (Trenyce and Corey Clark) have alleged criminal pasts. Maybe the show should be renamed ‘American’s Most Wanted Idols.’
12) Redone: Have you heard that techno remake of Bryan Adams’ ‘Heaven?’ His career must be turning over in its grave.
13) The Flaming Lips: On its next EP, the psychedelic rock band will cover Kylie Minogue’s ‘Can’t Get You Out of My Head.’ Hey, if Mariah can cover Led Zeppelin …
14) French dis: Are we still protesting the French? If so, I guess you guys are still dreaming about freedom-kissing Vin Diesel.
15) Tonya Harding: She lost her pro boxing debut. See? Just take away her tire iron and she’s not so tough.
I’m at adavis@starmail.com.
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