‘Porn Expert’ Pubert and ‘Straight Girl’ Groeper give porn a thumb-up-the-butt or a finger-down-the-throat! P & G promise to be more than PG and never PC! Grab your popcorn, your lube and enjoy the ride!
Ski Trip by Tribal Pulse
Judging a porn by its cover:
P: My boyfriend already ripped open the plastic and enjoyed himself with this one, Groeper, I guess he liked the cover!
G: Why do they always have such young boys? They are so white!
P: The back cover is much better. Shows all the stars.
Time to Hit Play: Good music and visual of the outside of a ski resort
G: It makes me want to go inside and join in on the fun! I like Adam.
P: The director does, too. Evidently.
G: One of their names is Billy Elliot! Is Luke like 12? Roland is dirty!
P: I like him! Beginning has a great transition with the alarm waking up Adam.
G: Adam is so the star!
P: He must be sleeping with the director.
G: Wait, he is talking in Dutch.
P: And only one sentence dubbed in English.
‘It was a hot weekend. We spent more time fucking than skiing.’ (we scream in laughter)!
G: They look so ethnic and normal. You can relate to the stars.
P: You never see that in porn!
G: They should have dubbed over the Dutch, so we can get more involved in the story.
P: It seems like they actually care about each other.
G: This is not just a job to these guys!
…hot scene on a table with Adam and Aston
G: This is so sexy. ‘Yoooo’ must mean ‘yeah’ in Danish!
P: No wonder my boyfriend liked this! This is way better than the cover.
G: He is going to break the dishes on the table. Aston never closes his eyes when he kisses! Oh, he just ate his own cum.
P: Hot!
G: Gross! It’s watery.
…all the guys outside on a skiing excursion. Two break off from the group and start making out on a tree.
P: They are really outside, alright. No fake set here.
G: How do they stay hard? What are they saying?
P: I think he is saying he wants to go inside.
P: This is hot. I’m biting on my notebook!
G: Do you want me to leave you alone?
…inside, two different guys
P: Not all the guys are in the same league.
G: Skip through this scene.
P: It’s a nice little twist that the little guy is fucking the bigger guy.
G: It looks like a bratwurst going in with the condom.
…shower scene
G: Aston is getting mad play!
P: It’s the Aston and Adam show! I like the highlights in the guy’s hair.
G: You do?
P: Sounds like he is saying ‘worcestershire.’
G: ‘Ewww’ must mean ‘yeah’!
P: The filming has great angles. And why can’t other pornos learn from this? We don’t need cheesy soundtracks, just grunts and groans.
…the boys playing what looks like Battleship, a three-way begins
P: Adam has leopard skin underwear on. He finishes by eating his own cum again. I guess that is his breakfast.
G: This is too much for me!
Overall, this would make a good rental, not necessarily a purchase. There were only three sentences dubbed in English. The story could have drawn you in more if it were dubbed or subtitled. We also wanted more positions; it was always doggy style. But, people should brave the cold to check Ski Patrol out, it warmed us both up a bit. Not a bad video to get snowed in with.
Two thumbs slightly up the butt
e-mail comments to Pubert@windycitytimes.com