Skuff 3: Downright Wrong from Hothouse Video
Judging a Porn By Its Cover Dicksel: This video looks expensive. Very Modern looking.
Pubert: Let’s check out the back cover.
D: Whoa!
P: Someone’s having a double sausage sandwich!
First scene is set in a black room surrounded by a chain link fence. Two men wear gas masks and torture a victim on the floor.
D: Did someone fart? Is that why he is wearing the mask?
P: Is that C3PO in the background and Darth Vader in the front?
D: Luke, take my light saber.
‘I need water,’ the victim says.
P: The poor guy is dehydrated!
D: They think they have it bad on Lost.
Dicksel’s mom calls and interrupts the show.
D: Mom, I’m kinda busy.
Mom: Let me tell you this funny story. Blah blah blah…
Ten minutes later we start again with the next scene. Same set, different guys…
D: Is that a knee brace he’s wearing?
P: Those are knee pads.
D: Of course.
P: Look, it’s the chain link Spiderman web that they have at Cellblock!
D: That one has mascara. Maybe it’s Maybelline!
P: That doesn’t suit a leather video at all… They should have left the smoke machine on… He has small hands.
D: Better to hold the mascara wand with!
P: Look! It’s the upside down kiss from the Spiderman movie! But he’s kissing his ass!
The following scene, same set…
P: He’s wearing two leather bands. D: That means he flip-flops. He’s a flapjack.
P: He’s sitting on what looks like a roadside caution cone.
D: Looks like a Devo hat to me!
Last scene creates a one-on-one scene.
‘Leeek the boot, clean it up!’
P: Ha ha! Where is he from?
D: It’s all boring until the 4th scene!
P: Maybe the guy is from Poland like me.
P: Well, Skuff 3 is getting a thumbs up the butt.
D: Yeah, hot leather guys. Why don’t they look like that in real life? Did you see the abs on that guy?
P: Chicago’s leather crowd has events every week. I might have to go check them out.
D: This video is what it is—just a bunch of guys banging in front of a chain link fence.
P: No plot, but people that buy or rent videos won’t want a plot.
Pubert: Thumbs up the butt
Dicksel: Thumbs up the butt
Any Comments or suggestions? pubert@windycitytimes.com