with
randy
pubert
Bananas From Brazil 2
from Alexander Pictures
Pubert schools ‘apt pupil’ Stephen Kink about the ‘dark half’ of movies. These ‘firestarters’ work the ‘graveyard shift’ to go the extra ‘green mile’ and give ‘IT’ a thumbs up or down. So ‘stand by me,’ grab your popcorn, your dog ‘Cujo’ and get ready for another sCarrie review, you dirty bird!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Pubert: It has the Brazilian Flag on the front. Oh, that brings back memories from traveling there.
Stephen: I didn’t know what that was. I’m too distracted by the ’10 Hot Men in Action’ on the back.
P: I’m going bananas for this video already!
The Brazilian adventure begins with one guy meeting another on the street and going back to his new friend’s backyard.
S: He’s locking the gate like a serial killer.
P: Cute cat sitting on the porch.
‘ I’m straight, let’s keep this a secret… ‘
P: I have heard that one a million times.
S: He has long hair. He can pretend he is a girl.
P: It was a quick trip to Gayville.
S: He has an outey belly button.
P: Damn, Brazilians are hung!
S: It’s like a veiny sausage from Brazil. Where’s that cat now?
P: The pussy has left the building!
S: Notice the straight guy’s eyes are open and the gay one’s are closed.
P: They are fucking in a broke-down Grandma chair.
S: Is it Edith Bunker’s chair?
Next we are in a restaurant where the service is friendly and the servers are even friendlier.
S: Hey! It’s a shirtless waiter. News to the Melrose Café, this will get me to eat a Caesar there.
P: That’s a good idea. We should open a restaurant. Call it Balls and Franks. Maybe in Wrigleyville?
S: The editor should cut out the part of him trying to get out of his pants.
P: And a condom magically appears. The editor sucks.
S: Put a helmet on that soldier.
P: It’s so big!
S: You keep saying that.
P: I am going back to Brazil to learn some more Portuguese.
S: Is that a fly?
P: Better than a fly in my soup; hey waiter, there’s a fly on your cock!
Moving right along, we follow a restaurant owner back to his restaurant, which is apparently under construction, where he catches a worker sitting on the job.
P: I don’t remember so many restaurants in Brazil. I spent too much time in my hotel room.
S: I bet you did. This guy’s place looks like the end of the Blair Witch Project.
P: Rodrigo needs an acting lesson.
S: The owner is wearing red, for passion.
P: He has a Brazilian serpent, an anaconda.
S: And a monkey on his back. No, that is a tattoo of a dragon.
P: Tan alligator shoes with black socks!
S: You would still let him fuck you, wouldn’t you?
P: Well, yeah.
S: Why do they call it ‘the Brazilian?’ They are all so hairy.
P: And hung.
S: ‘That will teach you to sleep on the job–a loafer in the face!’
In the following scene the boys look young… skip! Then we have our cover boy walking down the beach and dropping in on a local bar.
P: I just slept with a guy that looks like him. I need to call him sometime.
S: His shirt says ‘Vitamins and Minerals.’
P: I couldn’t swallow that vitamin! Look at how big he is!
S: You have been saying that the whole video.
P: What can I say? Rio de Janeiro is calling my name. Look at the gross bartender.
S: Looks like Alan Thicke.
P: Is that a Wonder Woman tattoo?
S: The bottom has on clear nail polish. No one goes barefoot in this video.
P: Have you seen that floor?
Pubert: Thumbs up the Brazilian butt.
Stephen: Marginal thumbs up.
Want to go bananas and get Bananas from Brazil 2? Go to www.lucasdistribution.com.
If you would like to hear more about Pubert’s Brazilian Adventure write him at pubert@windycitytimes.com
pubert@windycitytimes.com.