Pubert schools ‘apt pupil’ Stephen Kink about the ‘dark half’ of movies. These ‘firestarters’ work the ‘graveyard shift’ to go the extra ‘green mile’ and give ‘IT’ a thumbs up or down. So ‘stand by me,’ grab your popcorn, your dog ‘Cujo’ and get ready for another sCarrie review, you dirty bird!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Pubert: This cover is the best!
Stephen: Perfect for Halloween.
‘The only way to quench his thirst is to feed.’
S: A guy is on the back cover with a straight jacket and no pants on!
Our creature feature begins with a limousine pulling up and two hustlers getting in.
‘He will give us 500 bucks to have sex in here–kinky!’
S: There are gold lamé curtains! He can’t get his sock off!
P: The driver is spying on them having sex in the back. He is bringing sexy back.
S: The street trade is sweaty. It’s cramped back there.
P: The driver turns around and he’s getting excited.
S: Watch out, he is naked from the waist down–now that’s illegal!
P: Driving Miss Hustler is humping the steering wheel. They all jack off together at the end of the scene–how sweet.
The driver then drives them to a secret lair where his leader puts them in a straitjacket and studies them.
P: This plot is complicated. I thought this was about vampires?
The hustlers bust out by punching out the driver and making a break for it. This scene is followed by a doctor in a different room with a victim hooked up to a fuck machine.
S: The doctor has a mirror on his head. And the victim is higher than a kite!
P: He just said, ‘Say I am not crazy, you are,’ and he repeated it. This video is as nuts as this character.
S: These are the same producers that brought us Lust Counseling. That video included porn stars playing guitars.
P: Just when you think things can’t get any wackier… I hope to gawd they are in on the joke. We need to review a whole smorgasbord of this company’s videos.
The hustlers find a room and watch by cam the doctor playing with his prey.
‘I haven’t seen anything spooky but you.’
P: I can’t believe he just said that. Where are the vampires?
S: It should be called Gays Anatomy.
P: Now he is using the sex machine finally and it’s getting faster.
S: Scream if you wanna go faster!
P: Thank you, Ginger Spice. The doctor is a spitter!
S: The cumshot’s bad. It’s Jurgens Hand Lotion Splash.
P: Now the video gets really crazy! The doctor corners one hustler and a vampire finally shows up.
S: I can’t be scared of him with a ruffly collar.
‘I feel the need to feed.’
S: They stole that line from Top Gun!
P: This video is full of quotes.
S: Uh oh, we got a lisper. How many s’s are in assassin?
P: Don’t give a fag a word with too many s’s. So, the twink just busts the doctor in the head and says, ‘I will show you that I am a hooker from hell!’
S: ‘Don’t fuck with me fellas!’ Jack off with a vampire in a coffin. That is on my list to do before I die.
P: This flick has a true cliffhanger Halloween ending. Perfect for a night at the drive in.
S: Fun to watch at a Halloween party.
Kink: Thumbs up the butt.
Pubert: Thumbs down the throat.
Visit www.Adonispictures.com to add porn to your party. Happy Halloween from Randy Pubert and Stephen Kink!