If you’re looking for a place with sports playing on the telly to appease your straighter friends and yet gay enough to chat dirty with out-of-face drag queens, get thee to Halsted’s, go! I recently took my brother and sister-in-law and we dined on the patio on what my brother referred to as, ‘The best bleu cheese burger I’ve ever had.’ There you go, guys: even the breeder boys will be coming from miles around to get a nibble of your meat. And I wouldn’t mind another crack at the Juicy Lucy myself.
So there I was, sitting at the bar at Jackhammer chatting with my good pal Mick, who was to set off in a scant few days into the bush of Tanzania (didn’t she perform at Showcase One?) As is the way over at Jackhammer, porn was blaring down upon us from the huge flat screen above the bar. Mick and I met for one last Creaoke night before he left and this one girl got up to sing Proud Mary. For some reason (read: vodka) we got around to joking that it would be hilarious if, at the very moment the intro of the song (roooooolling on the riiiiverrrr) kicks into funky high gear, one of the guys whips it out and pisses on the other guy, thereby sending him ‘rolling on the river.’ Well, guess what! As if by some divine pornographic intervention, that is EXACTLY what came to pass. Mick, I hope you take this moment of perfect urinary synthesis with you into Tanzania’s bush (or did I used to see her at the L.A. Connection?). May our perverted little memories keep you cool in the African sun.