“George Stevens is making The Greatest Story Ever Told, and Jesus Christ is parting the waters out there on Culver.”—Lucille Ball discussing one of the various things shot on Desilu soundstages in a 1963 interview. This footage turned up in Amy Poehler’s documentary Lucy and Desi—the best of the recent Lucy projects (and one of the best documentaries ever). Despite her many gifts, I think it’s safe to say that Lucy wasn’t a Biblical scholar.
Nothing would make me happier than never having to type the words “Will” and “Smith” consecutively again. After this week, we promise to put his name to rest. It’s been quite a week for Smith. First, his wife threw him under the bus—alas, a metaphorical one. A Jada insider (and that limits the candidates to a few dozen) claims that she did not instigate Will bitch-slapping Chris Rock, nor did she condone it: “She’s not one of these women that needs protecting.” But it does bring up a question that only I would dare ask: What kind of “wife” just sits there when her “husband” gets up on international live television to attack someone on stage? A typical spouse would do anything to stop him. And yet, the first thing we heard from Jada is that she would tell all on a special edition of “Red Table Talk”—which is like a more combustible version of “Billy Masters LIVE.”
Then ABC announced that Dancing with the Stars is moving to Disney+! Yes, the ratings have dipped, and we’ve all complained that the show hasn’t been able to attract any A, B or even C-level “stars.” Wait till you see who they can lure now that it’s on Disney+: some of Dr. Pimple Popper’s patients, graduates of My 600 Pound Life and perhaps a host from QVC. Must-see TV, my ass!
For anyone who cares, The Real has been canceled. I never saw the show, but I believe it’s a tragic version of The View. Actually, The Talk is a tragic version of The View. I’m told The Real is worse than that.
You know what hasn’t been canceled? “Billy Masters LIVE.” We had a terrific show last week with David Pevsner chatting about his new memoir, Damn Shame. On Thursday, April 14, at 2 p.m. CT, Sharon Gless returns to resume our in-depth interview—starting with Cagney & Lacey. Since I know some of you have lives, you can tune in any time at our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV or BillyMasters.com/TV.
Here’s the headline: “Taron Egerton Pulls Out.” After being in and out of the production Cock due to COVID, he’s now departed the play for good—for “personal reasons.” Having seen the original production with Ben Whishaw and Andrew Scott (with Egerton playing the Scott role), I question if he had the chops to sustain a successful run. Taron’s role will be taken over by Joel Harper-Jackson. He’ll star alongside the sexy (and openly gay) Jonathan Bailey, who you know from Bridgerton. The play runs until June 4, and if you bought tix to see Taron, you’re out of luck, as there are no refunds.
According to director Tim Federle, Sister Act 3 may finally start filming later this year. Whoopi Goldberg has long campaigned for Disney to greenlight a second sequel in the Sister Act franchise, to no avail (similar to Bette Midler trying to get Hocus Pocus 2 off the ground). Last year, Disney’s position seemed to thaw (again, similar to the Hocus Pocus situation). Federle said, “I think the ‘Sister Act’ franchise is a big priority to the studio, scripts coming along and I think Whoopi is really excited.” As you’ll recall, Tyler Perry announced in November that he’d be producing Sister Act 3 for Disney+, with Federle directing. If there is another delay, Federle has already lined up a scapegoat: “Now it’s just about schedules and chips falling where they may. [Scheduling] is literally everything. It’s literally like the availability of a convent and the availability of an EGOT!”
Talisa Garcia has made a bit of history. The actress has been cast in Willow, a Disney+ series. The trades said this marks “the first known occasion an openly trans actor has been cast in a production from Disney-owned Lucasfilm.” This is a very narrow distinction, not unlike a sitcom touted as the best new comedy on a Tuesday after 10 p.m. We’re told that Garcia appears in a small, but surely pivotal, role. History is history.
Our “Ask Billy” question comes from Mark in New Jersey: “What do you know about Frank of Ireland? I saw it on Amazon Prime and loved it—and Stephane is SO hot!”
I know next to nothing about the show, which was developed for the UK last year and can be seen on Amazon Prime. The character of Stephane is played by Paul Forman, a very popular underwear model whose physique is shown to its best advantage in episodes three and five. In one scene, he walks into the bathroom to pee completely naked and flexes his booty with aplomb. Yes, an ass is usually a peach, but this one is aplomb. And it’s spectacular, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.
When we’re craving a fruit salad, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column. Yes, make no mistake, this column featured both a perfect ass and Taron pulling out. Why, you put those two stories together and it’s Ted Cruz’s wet dream. Well, dream no more and hop on over to BillyMasters.com—the site that will never again mention Mr. and Mrs. Smith (God willing). If you have a question, you can write to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before “DWTS” asks ME to compete (only if I’m paired with Gleb…or Val…or Karina). Until next time, remember: One man’s filth is another man’s bible.