I was reminded of Best In Show, one of my favorite movies, when I read about the scandal that is currently rocking Britain.
The Supreme Champion winner at Crufts, the world’s largest dog show, is suspected of having had a facelift. Yep, Danny the Pekingese is thought to have had some work done.
Of course, the owners of Danny, Albert Easdon and Philip Martin, put this down to jealousy. ‘They can’t just say ‘it’s a lovely dog.” Martin told the London Times.
I’ve never considered cosmetic surgery for my two old bitches. My two Maltese are up in their teens now and have passed their sell-by-date when it comes to beauty pageants. They could both do with some lypo-suction, but I figure ‘what’s wrong with getting old, ugly and fat?’ Hey, if it’s good enough for Rosie O’Donnell, it’s good enough for my dogs.
Who knew they did facelifts for pets? I didn’t. Is there a place that you go to? Like … what if your parrot wanted a beak job. What if your cockatoo squawked into your ear one day, ‘I want one of those pointy beaks like Michael Jackson.’
(Wait a minute. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that Sukie is cracking up. You’re thinking, ‘how can a parrot ask its owner for a beak job?’ Well … DUH! … Parrots talk, right!! So if they can talk … )
Anyway, back to your world. Why shouldn’t pets have cosmetic surgery. Let’s all do a test. Close your eyes and imagine one of your pets, or a friend’s pet. Focus on the image of the pet …. Now imagine your pet with Dolly Parton-sized silicone breast implants. Now, there’s a visual.
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I’m always interested in studies that set out to prove that homosexuality is either natural, or unnatural. To me, it’s not even a question; after seeing my fifth drag show in three days, you’ll never convince me that homosexuality is natural. It’s just not.
Anyway, this new study by the Institute of Psychiatry in London is all about gender-bending brains. ‘In tests,’ reports the Irish Examiner, ‘Scientists found that gay men excelled at mental tasks women generally perform better than men, but were not so good at tasks traditionally seen as ‘male.’
‘Similarly, lesbians did as badly as heterosexual men in a test geared to get the best out of women.’
How much did this study cost? The researchers, Qazi Rahman and Glenn Wilson, probably spent thousands to find out that dykes can put up shelves and gay men can make a room look pretty.
Should you be interested in reading the results of this Study of the Blatantly Obvious, go find these two publications: Neuropsychology and Psychoneuroendocrinology.
Try saying psychoneuroendocrinology after a few cocktails …
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The Advocate reports that gays and lesbians in Poland are coming out of the closet on billboards. What a great idea! I don’t need to ‘come out’ on a billboard … I AM a billboard.
While we’re on the subject, here’s what baffles me more than anything else about coming out. Sometimes when I’m in a bar taking photos for Nightspots, someone will say, ‘I can’t have my face in the paper because I’m not out to my family.’
… And it’s always the biggest Nelly-Queen in the bar. Am I right? She’s 55, and she’s standing there with her Alize, her perm, her drop-pearl earrings, her pencil-line skirt, and she’s lip-synching ‘Hello Dolly’ into a mirror … And she says that her parents don’t know she’s gay. THEY KNOW!!!!