Pubert: Not the sexiest bears I have ever seen.
Groeper: Cover seems dull.
Somewhere out at sea, a straight older couple on a boat hear strange noises and tell the captain to investigate. Two bears are having sex in their room.
P: That is the hairiest man I have ever seen.
G: My Gawd, he’s wearing a jacket of hair. Not my favorite look.
P: His name is Dirk Grizzly.
G: The captain is entering the room but just watching.
P: Was the door unlocked?
G: I guess so.
P: The captain is staring at them in the mirror and he just shot all over it.
G: Maid service!
P: He’s punching him. What is up with that?
G: Nature of the beast.
P: Why was that couple complaining? They weren’t even that loud.
G: Oops, they just found the spooge on the mirror as they went out.
P: The bear left some porridge for them.
A supposedly straight couple sits on the deck of the boat.
P: The man’s reading Glamour and the woman’s reading Trucks.
G: That’s too funny.
P: He is going to the bathroom now and getting cruised.
G: So much for subtlety. Nice tiling on the bathroom.
P: Getting fucked on a sink is hot.
G: Good cum shot.
P: He’s going the have to comb that out of his bear hair.
A bear waiter provides customer service to a guest.
G: The locations are good.
P: Over the water and outside is nice.
G: Don’t fall overboard.
P: Now it’s dark already. That sun set fast.
G: This is basically a regular porn video with bears.
P: What is the fascination with bears?
G: Hair and size.
P: Look at it. It’s like a train going through a forest.
G: Not a lot of creative camera work.
P: Weird angles.
The captain gets caught sniffing a tourist’s jock. Bear-on-bear action ensues.
P: Goldilocks is getting caught by a bear. That captain is in trouble now.
G: This is a fun scene.
P: The waiter just busted in and is fucking his boss.
G: Yeah, teach him a lesson!
P: He has to keep his tie out of the way, over the shoulder.
G: Look at those stretch marks.
P: Uh oh, here comes someone else. They are gang banging the captain!
G: It’s turning into a bear orgy.
P: Now, the neighbors on the boat have something to complain about. Let’s turn this video down so your neighbors don’t complain about you.
Pubert: Hairy thumbs down the throat.
Groeper: Thumbs down the throat.
If the review doesn’t scare you away from this bear flick, pick it up at BearFilms.com.
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